Peace and Quiet vs. Turmoil
Posted: Monday, February 02, 2009
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
Not too long ago (well it has been a while, time flies faster as I age), I finally made the break from an old friend. The relationship had become too stressful for me and I thought that my health and overall wellbeing would benefit from a "divorce." My husband, Bernd, agreed with that assessment and also had his own reasons for wanting to end the relationship.
The last time I wrote to her about the issue was somewhere in the middle of November of last year. About a week later, after I had finally put it down and stopped carrying it around with me 24/7 (what a relief that was), my sister replied to my e-mail. She told me that partly she was pissed at me for my inability to simply let go (yeah, I have a hard time with that). That I create most of my own worries and ills by over-analyzing and over-thinking (yup, it takes me a lot of thinking before I get around to the doing). That I seem to be seeking the upper hand and control (well, not really on that one). That I must stop doing this or I will drive myself into an abyss (her words). She went on to tell me that, in her opinion, if anything ever caused me one iota of inconvenience or real emotion that I feel it is not worthwhile. Well, I have to tell you that all really shook me up and had me reeling. Just ask poor Bernd who had to nurse me through more anguish and anger. My sister did also write that perhaps these were lessons that I was supposed to be learning this time around and that maybe she was just supposed to be my sounding wall. My point with all this? I was a mess and depressed. I cried and raged and couldn't seem to put my life in order and turmoil was the cause.
Today, I picked the up the whole issue of turmoil and agitation again and have only just now decided to write about it. That is mainly because I have been struck by how peaceful and quiet my life has been since I finally made peace with my decision and that person is out of my life. The reason I am taking another look at the issue is that, as a consequence, I find that I have a great deal less to write about. Not to mention that I've been in the grips of a "make jewelry, make jewelry now, don't even think of doing any other creative things" frame of mind for a few weeks.
Trying to make that, for me, momentous decision meant that daily I was looking at all sorts of issues (friendship, expectations, faith, truth, and manipulation to name just a few); taking myself to task for other life decisions and generally pulling apart what it means to be a human being in relationships with other human beings and how I fit myself into all of that. It drove me to express myself in print, the better to look at what I was trying to tell myself. Talking with myself just wasn't quite all that was needed. I needed to "see" it.
Lately, my mind has been so quiet that my fingers haven't found as much need to do so much tap-tap-tapping at the keyboard. An author, Robert Masello, writes in his book, "Robert's Rules of Writing: 101 unconventional lessons every writer needs to know," " Legend has it that once, long ago, in a land far away, there was a writer who wasn't depressed. But don't believe it." He also says that writing in itself can be depressing because you sit, all alone, in a room for hours on end just brooding. However, the main thrust of his Rule #8 is "Take the Prozac." His thought is that depression is crippling and not at all productive, but I'm just not so sure.
So it has all got me to thinking about turmoil and its place in my life. Not just as a goad to writing, but also as a goad to moving forward in my life. It has me looking to turmoil as inspiration and a thing that can drive me to achieve something I might otherwise not. Also, it has reminded about the value of changing your labels; you know, like substituting excitement for turmoil or anticipation for fear. Even so, I absolutely hate being depressed.
Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't want to live in a constant state of turmoil (excitement?). I tried that for a few months and believe me, it's not fun. Luckily, life isn't all one or the other. It seems to me that if my life were only ever peaceful that some evening I might lie down to sleep and just never wake up again for the sheer boredom of it. Well, not really, but you get my point, yes?
Hopefully, my life is a balance between ups and downs, happiness and depression, and peace and turmoil. I label some of these things good and some of them bad. But really what does that mean? The "good" things are easy. The "bad" things teach me important lessons. So I figure that as long as I'm walking around on top of the ground instead of lying beneath it, it's all good. I'll take the bad with the good and the turmoil with the peace. Peace and quiet versus turmoil? Not a chance. It's got to be both working together.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Don't be depressed Dianne, you seem to one of the kindest, thoughtful, well rounded person I've ever read about. Seriously, you got it together girl and I admire how you look and reflect on how your life is unfolding. Keep smiling. lolHi Myla.Please excuse me for taking so long to respond. Bernd and I went to the Tucson Gem and Mineral Show. I bought some really nice cabochons that I can't cut for myself mainly because I don't know where to get the rough material.Thank you so much for your thoughts. But really, I think you all see only the better parts of me (that would be because I don't really write about crying for no apparent reason or worrying about who I might offend, those sorts of things). I can fall apart at the drop of a hat.Hugs to you,Dianne
Dianne, I agree with Myla in describing the wonderful person you are. I remember this friend and it was time for you to make a decision. Peace will come. It's there - just receive it. You're in my thoughts. *warm hug*Hi Avis.Yes, and I remember you had a similar situation. I am feeling better and more peaceful. Thanks so much.Hugs,Dianne
I echo Myla and Avis's words. This was a very good write, and I enjoyed reading about it...thank you for sharing this.....sometimes friendships do end, but life has a way to make you loose a friend, then gain one. Strange but true....Great article Dianne....well done....your friend in pen, Gary.Hi Gary.Thank you for your kind words. A friend sent me an e-mail with a series of pictures showing the friendship between a kitten and a parakeet. They were really cute and the line at the end was something like: sometimes your best friend is not the one you've had the longest.As a result of having "divorced" the one friend, I've gotten to know his wife much better and find that we have a stronger friendship than I had imagined. So, there you go.Be well,Dianne
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