It Just Isn't Working for Me
Posted: Monday, March 30, 2009
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
By now, everyone is familiar with the milk sugar lactose and its nemesis, the enzyme lactase. Some bodies happily produce this enzyme all their lives, some stop at some point, and some never really get the hang of it. Taking lactase pretty much solves the problem. It does a great job for my husband, Bernd. I know it does a great job, because if he occasionally forgets to take a pill when he has eaten something containing milk well let's just say it is very unpleasant. And not just for him!
Oligosaccharide molecules are too big (like lactose) to pass through the wall of the small intestine without an enzyme to pull it apart into smaller bits. This enzyme (one alpha-galactosidase just about all enzyme names end in " ase") is not standard issue in humans. So the sugar makes its way to the large intestine where the bacteria happily living there have a party with it. As the bacteria digest the oligosaccharide, they produce gas (Hey! It's not me that is ahem it's the bacteria!).
One particular mold does itself produce this enzyme. Molds live primarily off of carbohydrates, i.e. sugars, and so need to be able to digest them. Aspergillus niger is that black mold you get on bread that you've left too long outside of the refrigerator. Niger equals black, and just about all fungi (think of mushrooms) have "gills" from which they produce and dispense their spores, hence the gillus.
Enter BEANO. Beano contains the above mentioned enzyme derived from A. niger and it should be a simple thing; put some Beano on your beans, eat them and be so very happy. It may work for some, but it doesn't work for either my husband or me. And we love beans, all kinds of beans well, maybe not Lima . Who could eat Lima beans? They're right up there with canned spinach as far as I'm concerned. I have yet to talk to anyone who gets any relief from using Beano or who actually likes Lima beans. I think it might have something to do with the delivery system you put it on your food. From there it sits in the stomach and is worked on by the bile and acid. Most enzymes are proteins and, I mean, your stomach is designed to digest proteins. Maybe it should be put into an enteric coated pill.
Hey did you know that you can buy dimethicone (silicon oil known as simethicone, the active ingredient in Gas-X) by the gallon. We have a jug sitting in our garage. What we didn't know when we bought it was that it comes in different weights (like motor oil) and the weight we bought is really hard to squeeze out of the bottle we put it in. Ah well, the trials of life. Oh and by the way, it doesn't stop intestinal gas from forming. It just makes it a little easier for it to move along by busting it up into smaller packets that don't get stuck somewhere like where your transverse large intestine takes the downward turn to become your descending large intestine. You know, that pain you get around belt level on the left side. Dimethicone is really just an anti-foaming agent.
They say that the more you eat beans the better able you become at digesting them. Really? Hasn't been our experience. They say that if you cook your beans with Kombu seaweed, it will eliminate the gassy factor. It might just lessen it ever so slightly, but eliminate it no way. They say soak the beans, rinse, soak, rinse, soak, rinse then cook. No luck there either. Or try soaking them in vinegar and then do the rinse, soak, rinse thing. Well, do that only if you want them to take twice as long to cook, don't mind pickled beans, and don't mind a little extra intestinal gas now and then.
Why, oh why do I crave beans so much? I just might need an intervention. Does anyone out there no how to get past a bean craving? There are some nice black beans sitting in my fridge right now calling out my name, "Diaaanne. Oh Diaaanne." I need some help.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Wow! All this scientific stuff! And still, I'm cracking up. Maybe you could try imagining the beans as purifiers...and the 'results' wouldn't be so offensive? I dunno, Dianne. Sounds pretty scary to me. Big fans in the house, perhaps? Or a bunch of those plug-in doo-hickeys to 'capture' the gas? (giggle) Good luck with all that. Got nothin' for ya...but a big ol' hug!Hi Camille.Beans as purifiers ... hmmm ... nope don't see that working. I'm not going to stop eating them though. I have plans for a nice black bean and spinach salad in just a little while. :)Luckily for us, both Bernd and I "suffer" the consequences. I'd feel really bad if it was just me and he had to put up with it. BSS (big silly smile)I did want to see if I could be "technical" and still entertaining. Seems like maybe I was successful.Thanks for reading and for you lovely, heartfelt and helpful suggestions!Hugs,Dianne
I have a friend who swears by Beano. I actually thought he was kidding me when he first told me about it!! I had never even heard of simethicone until I read your article. Interesting stuff.btw I really like lima beans and canned spinach, but, such is life!Hi Ken.Canned spinach?! My mom used to dump vinegar on it just before serving it. Maybe that's why I never liked it. I love fresh spinach, though. I won't comment on the Lima beans. :)Thanks for reading and commenting. I always appreciate it.Dianne
hahahahahhaahahahaha great article Dianne, this is very humorous, and so true!!! oh, and by the way Kombu seaweed does NOT take the gas out of the beans, (ask my wife), hahahahahhaha, I have tried everything that you mentioned, even baking soda, someone told me that their is a substance in baking soda that would take the gas out of the beans,,,,,wrong wrong wrong, plus the taste is gross.....so don't do that....I think that huge contaner of that ingredient that you were talking about that is the main ingrediant of Beano, is the best bet.....my wife wants to know where you buy it in bulk!!! hahahahahhahaha Loved the article, and you made me chuckle.....Your fan, and friend in pen......GaryHi Gary.I'm always happy to give you a chuckle.Bernd got the silicon oil (dimethicone ... actually it's what's in Gas-X) from The Chemistry Store. Just add the three w's to the beginning and dot com on the end. I can't do that here because the program won't let you put a URL in a comment. But be warned, it doesn't eliminate intestinal gas or keep it from forming (can't stop those bacteria doing their job ... they're diligent little buggers), it just makes it less painful and easier to get rid of.Once when we were first married and were having our first guests for a spaghetti dinner, Bernd thought that he would cut some of the acid in my nice home-made spaghetti sauce with a little baking soda. What a mess that was! It actually foamed out of the pot. I asked him just how much soda he had dumped in it. All he would say was that it was a big pot. Believe me, no one likes sweet tasting spaghetti sauce. I won't be trying it with the beans.Thanks for reading and taking time to comment.DianneP.S. Apparently you can't even put three w's in a row without it thinking you're trying to include a URL, even if there are quotes around them and nothing following.
I loved your article and really enjoy your humor. My husband takes Beano and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm just glad i'm a heavy sleeper so when the beans are working overtime I don't know about it. Thanks for sharing.Linda DeWittHi Linda.Bernd is a heavy sleeper also, but alas, I am not. :) Bernd says that maybe one day they will engineer a gas-less bean. But I suspect that if they do, they just won't taste as good. There is also the "guilty" pleasure factor to be considered. :)I'm glad that you enjoyed the article and thanks for reading and commenting.My best to you,Dianne
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