How Far is Too Far?
Posted: Monday, June 08, 2009
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
That's the question really. You could phrase it another way: What is acceptable and what is not acceptable? But what it all comes down to is how much you are willing to tolerate.
Maybe there is something you want really, and I mean really, badly and so you are willing to tolerate quite a lot in order to get it. Maybe it is a physical item, or maybe it is status, or a bigger paycheck. But no matter what it is, there is always the question of how far you are to willing to go, what you are willing to do, how much time to you want to spend on it and what kind of treatment you are willing to tolerate in order to get IT.
It is my opinion that your health and happiness are the two most important things you possess or will ever possess. Beyond that, nothing much else matters. So what if you have the newest luxury car, three computers and a 60" flat screen LCD TV? If you are not healthy and not happy, how can you possibly enjoy them? How far are you willing to push yourself for stuff?
A unique opportunity has been presented to me. It is not something that I thought I might ever want until it became available. I've been on this road of life and pretty much headed in a straight line for some time now. This new path isn't so much a detour as a frontage road, running a few hundred feet off but pretty much parallel to the highway of my life. What is offered is knowledge and a fairly rare set of skills. What is asked in return is hard work, but good work; physical work and that is not a problem, actually it is good. But there is more.
My instructor is fairly "bossy;" she has her own set of expectations. On the surface, this may not seem like much, but having been autonomous for some time now, only taking into consideration my husband's wishes in any matter, and being of a curmudgeonly age and turn of mind, I find her bossiness and assumptions to be somewhat troubling to me. I have already lost sleep over the issue and wonder what else I might lose in the bargain. So I have had to ask myself: How far is too far? How much am I willing to tolerate to achieve this goal? I am not willing to compromise my health to attain it. I know that much.
Well, it is considerably later in the day now. My sleepless and worrisome night and early (very early) morning writings are a little clearer now. I had a nice morning and afternoon with my instructor. I think we are learning our way around each other and things will most likely work out well. Except maybe for the big fat knot on my forearm where a gate banged into me hard while we were putting a feral mustang into a stall he had never seen before. That was an unparalleled learning experience!
Still, I will keep vigilant and protect my health and happiness. No amount of wanting something is worth compromising that. Think about it. What might you have in your life that is possibly costing you too much in one way or another? What could you live without and be much happier for that and don't answer "the spouse!"
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)You have presented quite a deep question, Dianne. It made me stop and think. Health and happiness is very important, but could I still be happy and healthy with much less income?Awesome stuff.Hi Ken.Obviously there is a balance to be found somewhere. When I quit my last job (because it was making me ill due to emotional stress when the boss' son took over the business; he was cruel and emotionally abusive), we were not certain that we could handle it financially and I wasn't sure that I would be rejoining the work-a-day world any time soon. Not only was I an emotional mess, the stress triggered shingles and I was in a great deal of extreme pain for a very long time.We took a look at our expenses and prioritized ... ruthlessly ... and found many things that just did not matter all that much. While we didn't eat out much to begin with due to my food allergies, we cut back to almost never. Bernd stopped buying lunches regularly and I started making larger meals so that he would have tasty leftovers to take for lunch. We don't go to movies except if it is something we both really, and I mean really, want to see. Plus numerous other small things. And we have been doing just fine. Oh, and Bernd only works part-time. He said that when I quit he could possibly go back to full-time, but we decided that would compromise his quality of life. We were all ready doing fine on two part-time incomes.Where we do not skimp is in the quality of the food I buy and prepare. While we do not have health insurance, we still see doctors (well a nurse practitioner actually, they are generally cheaper, and a dentist) and we purchase the best personal health care products that we can. Also, consider this, the less stress you have in your life and the more time you spend taking good care of yourself, the less illness you will experience and so you will need less professional health care.What we don't need is a new car every few years. Studies have shown that it is actually more cost effective to maintain your "old" car in good working order than to replace it every so often. We shopped around for the best deals in home and car insurance and we use gasoline as efficiently as possible. This also saves excess wear and tear on the car. If we run out of some food stuff or other, we make do without until the next scheduled shopping/errand running trip. We don't consider any of this to be a hardship. It's all in your attitude and what you deem to be really important.Oh, and if you don't need to rent the newest movie just out, the library is a great place to check out movies on tape and DVD ... for free!Anyway, these are some of my thoughts on the topic. Thanks for reading and commenting. I always appreciate it.With Respect,Dianne
Dianne,Interesting article. And yes, giving up too much of something (that "something" having to be qualified) can result in one going too far afield or against what's best for us. However, sometimes we do have to push ourselves, get out of our comfort zone to grow to break from our weaknesses and shortcomings to find that sense of satisfaction, happiness, joy even that we couldn't find otherwise. And yes, sometimes that requires a person, for instance, who is so shy he never spoke to anyone (a crippling disease) to get up on stage and perform in gay bars with straight humor, all-black bars with reverse discrimination, and biker bars with goofy, white boy humor. Eleanor Roosevelt is a hero, mentor for me, one who overcame severe shyness to excel and exceed her wildest dreams to set many precedents for the underprivileged and ignored.
So I believe we do have to protect ourselves from not doing those things that go against principle, but we do have to go against comfort to find out who we can potentially be. And what's saddest of all is the great majority who never unbind their wings to feel the full majesty and utter, abounding joy of full flight. Peace to you and yours.Hi Jeff.Very good points. I didn't think I was talking about comfort zones, though, exactly. Maybe I was indirectly. Mostly I was just concerned with the notion that it might be prudent to consider the potential costs of your actions and decisions.If you are 82 years old and not in the best of health and somewhat afraid of heights, but it has always been your desire to parachute out of an airplane and you decide you are finally going to just do it, you should be aware that the potential cost of this decision and action might be that it is the last thing you decide and the last thing that you do. You know, weigh how badly you want a thing against the getting of it.Thank you so much for taking the time to read my article and to comment on it.Respectfully,DianneI see what you mean. But if you still want to jump out of planes at 82, I'd suggest one that doesn't leave the ground ;=)
Dianne, excellent points. It's great to be reminded to evaluate the over all cost of something we desire - especially the tangible items, like to 60'" flat screen. I was wondering if all this was heading down the path of horses :-)I do hope you will continue to work out the kinks and find this an enjoyable experience. Big hugs! TeresaHi Teresa!Well, for better or worse, horses are never far from my thoughts lately. And you can learn new things about yourself when you start to work with horses.I do think it is good to re-evaluate things from time to time. We can get so stuck in our ways and our ruts and our comforts that we stop seeing what might actually be harming us. It's just that the familiar is so much easier to deal with.Thanks for stopping by!Love,Dianne
Very thoughtful considerations here, Dianne. Sometimes we don't stop to consider the ramifications of wanting something so desparately, that we might do something we wouldn't ordinarily do.Food for thought.SandraHi Sandra.Too true. Hopefully though, as we mature, we lose some of that tendency.Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!My Best to You,Dianne
Great article. Well done.I find the most common time the phrase is used is in response to innuendo.Hi Connor.What kind of innuendo? The wink-wink, nod-nod kind? :)Anyway, thank you for reading and commenting. I am always grateful when readers and authors take the time.My best to you,Dianne
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