Random Thoughts, Part 5
Posted: Monday, August 10, 2009
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
The Ugly Truth
By now, you've all figured out that when I can't come up with a good topic for a complete and, as usual, brilliant article, I sit down and bang out one of these random thought thingies. It's not so much that I don't have ideas. I always have ideas. They unexpectedly pop into my already busy brain on a daily basis. It's just that, after several paragraphs and way too many words, they sometimes fizzle out into nothing. They just don't seem to be getting anywhere and I throw up my hands in frustration. Well, not literally. I haven't eaten them in the first place and, in the second place, I rarely make dramatic gestures when there is no one around to see them.
I'm Speechless With out Envy
Do you ever wonder why some people have to talk all of the time? I do. Why do they feel compelled to fill every second of the day with their voices? I wonder sometimes if they think they will cease to exist if they can not be heard.
My husband and I had a friend who would stop by, sit on our sofa for a couple of hours and talk nonstop about what was bothering him currently and when he finished he would leave. He would do the same thing if he called on the phone. No give and take, no real conversation for the most part. He once told us that we were closed and guarded and that we didn't say much. After several decades of this, I finally broke the news to him that we didn't say much because it was hard to get a word in edgewise. His reply was to say that did it ever occur to us that he talked so much because we talked so little. It became obvious that we were never going to come to any sort of accommodation over this issue. But the point brings me back to my original question: why do some people have to talk all the time?
We are no longer in a friendship with the previously mentioned person and are not in any kind of relationship with our back door neighbor one house down. I doubt it would ever work out anyway. My husband and I like to converse as much as the next person, but we don't particularly care to be constant witness to soliloquies. Also, we find value in not talking and just being, and enjoy simply being in whatever space we currently find ourselves. Like taking a quiet walk in the desert or the forest. An impossible thing to do with our former friend we know because we tried on many occasions.
This back door neighbor talks on the phone constantly at all odd hours and very loudly. We can hear her even in the winter when our house is closed up tight. On the summer evenings when we have opened up the house to let the cool night air in, she sounds as if she is sitting in our kitchen. When they have guests over, she is the preeminent voice that we hear and her laugh could wake the dead. She talks about everything and nothing and complains a lot. She sits outside most of the time when she talks on the phone even in winter. We suspect it is because her husband has no more desire to listen to her than we do. Just what is it that motivates her to be such a jabber box?
And so I come back to the first thing I wondered: do they think they will cease to exist if they stop talking. Do people like these think that if they have nothing to say and that if there is no one to hear them say it that they will just disappear? So they talk on and on and on; filling every gap, every lapse in conversation, every peaceful and quiet moment with their voices.
Or are they constantly trying to bolster their sense of self-esteem "Look at all I have to say about this and that. See how much I know. I can go on for hours and hours about nothing." I don't know. But it is a painful thing to witness. Ceaselessly chattering speaks to me of a person who is afraid of something. I wish I knew what. I wonder about the person on the other end of the connection when our neighbor is talking a mile a minute at 11:00 p.m. What are they thinking? Would they like to hang up but are too polite to do so? Been there, done that.
Giggle Me This
In a similar vein, we could consider the person who laughs or giggles after everything they say. Why? This one might be a little easier to answer. I've done it once or twice myself and asked my husband to slap me if I ever do it again.
You've seen and heard this. Someone is saying something to you. It is fairly obvious that they think it might be a little controversial or distasteful and so when they come to the end of it a small and slightly sad smile might come onto their face and a giggle escapes them, quite without thought.
It's driven, to my way of thinking, by uncertainty and shyness and fear of what the recipient of their particular gem of wisdom might think about said gem. Does that make it any less irritating? No. But why do this after everything they say? Well, it becomes a habit doesn't it? Just like anything else we do often enough, we get stuck, like, doing it more and more until it becomes, like, a compulsion; something we're, like, not even aware of.
Habitually Habitual
I'm on a roll now!
It seems to me that the human animal is one that is particularly suited to developing habits. After all, if you eat a canned and pickled beet once and it tastes like dirt to you, could you be blamed for developing the habit of forever thereafter shunning the consumption of canned and pickled beets; for developing the habit of avoiding them? I have the habit of putting my car keys in the same spot all of the time otherwise I might not know where they are.
Evolutionarily speaking, if early man developed the habit of avoiding the places the saber toothed tigers frequented, he would live long enough to reproduce and thereby pass on his proclivity for the development of habits. Well, that's simplifying it really, but you get my point. We'd be nowhere without our habits. It's just that we could do with a few less annoying ones.
I am reminded of a video I saw years ago of a woman presenting something or other. She was standing at a lectern and ended everything she said with, "Oh dear." After about the third time, the audience started laughing and laughed at each repetition of the phrase. It went on a long time with the "Oh dears" becoming a little more desperate in tone. She never did figure out why they were laughing. It was pretty funny, sad, but funny.
In retrospect, this wasn't all that short or sweet.
Even Some More Things I Have Learned
No matter how much you water your concrete, it will not grow.
Using a broom to clean your driveway burns calories, increases your fitness and saves water. It's good for you and it's good for the environment.
No matter how enlightened I might think I am, I am still not above the occasional snide comment.
This Article has been viewed 1,166 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)BRAVA!!!! Love this, Dianne. LOVE it!Hi Camille.Thanks! I actually have a lot of fun writing the random thought thingies. It's good not to be so serious all the time.Thanks again and hugs to you,Dianne
Dianne, this is great! We have a great deal in common. I do not like taking tests either. I read your comment in Mike Fak's section. You are more courageous than I, I must admit. I wouldn't know where to begin or even how to put into an interesting piece as you have, the things that run through my mind.
Because of the jabber boxes I know, I make sure I do not talk as much. Oh, I am a talker but I'd like to think I'm in control. I have a neighbor who will not let you have a one-minute greeting when you see her. I avoid her because she doesn't understand when you say you have just a minute or two.
I love the concrete ending. I laughed out loud. You make sense and a great point!
Hugs,
AvisHi Avis.I made that remark about the concrete because of a woman who looked for all the world as if she were watering her driveway. I thought it was a wasted situation. Granted she was an older woman and maybe wielding a broom isn't all that easy for her anymore, but a little bit here and a little bit there and pretty soon you're doing more and more. Oh well, get off that horse, Dianne.There are a few people I avoid saying "hi" to for that reason also.I bet you could do an excellent job of making your thought trains interesting. A good clue to let you know when you are on the right track is when you start laughing at yourself and what you are thinking. If you call yourself a nut in the middle of it, then you've got it.So many of the articles I write have to have a point or a moral at the end. I love these random thingies because they don't seem to demand that of me.Hugs to you too,Dianne
None of us are above a 'snide comment' now and then Dianne. Good for you for letting it out. I suspect as long as those 'jabber boxes', as you called them, are talking, they feel they are not alone. That's my guess. It's sad. There's nothing wrong with being alone now and then, and it can be very theraputic to enjoy the quiet sometimes. They just haven't figured that out and probably never will. :) Good article.Hi Brianna.First, I have to send kudos to SW for using this new (at least new to me) method for responding to comments. I like that I can see the reader's comment while typing in my response. Saves having to flip back and forth.I hadn't really considered the "alone" issue. That makes more sense to me that what I was thinking. And you are right, it is sad. I actually enjoy a little quiet alone time now and then.Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.Dianne
hi diane,this was so cool, like having a conversation with you.i used to be the person you were talking about, per my partner, so i toned myself down, and focus more on listening now, not interupting, and not saying everything that pops into my head, although he still shuts me down at times. i guess for me, it's just that i want to share everything with him. i don't think i do it with anyone else, but i think i definitely have in the past.anyway, i'm working on it, and i love your article,my best,sue
Hi Sue.I wanted to respond to your comment hours ago, but nothing I do will make the "Respond to this comment" link work. So I broke down and used the "Submit Comment" button.I'm glad that you liked the article. And really there is nothing wrong with talking a lot, except I guess if your friends and partners can't get a word in edgewise. I can't imagine that you're that kind of person. And I can understand wanting to share. Really. Bernd is very patient and lets me go on and on about horses. :)Thanks so much for stopping by.Hugs,DianneP.S. Hey, look at that. The system isn't asking me to rate my own article! How about that. SW is really tuning up the site. dsl
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.