Thoughts on a Good Friend now Gone
Posted: Monday, January 04, 2010
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
She was old. Older than her family (the woman and man who cared for her and the girl she taught and helped to raise now grown) ever expected her to be. Her name was Margarita, but in my heart I called her Mamacita and Grandmother.
I only came to know her recently. I wish that I had more years with her, but she was very old and her days were already numbered. I think that she knew this and that it did not matter to her. I told my husband that I was probably foolish to fall so deeply in love with one so old, but I really had no choice in the matter.
She never demanded anything of me and was happy to accept whatever I had to give. She never asked me for more (except maybe of her favorite foods) than I had to give or required that I be something other than simply what I am. She took what little I had to offer and gave me back acceptance and love.
But don't get the idea that this was some gentle old grandmother sitting in a rocking chair and crocheting warm hats. She was feisty, right to the end. She knew how she wanted to be treated and would teach you the ways of it without equivocation.
Despite her years, she was agile and quick. She could spin on a dime and kick out at you before you even had a clue what she was about to do. She had patience for me that she didn't have for the others she lived with and she never kicked at me. She knew that I am young in their ways and needed tolerance. But I saw her many times, pin back her ears as a first warning to back off, then spin and kick, quick and light. Her rear end could come off of the ground seemingly without effort. I've always hoped that when I get to be her age, I would be as fit and agile.
She didn't quite make it to 38 years of age, but that is really old for a horse (close to 108 in human years; some figure it less, some more). She died on December 30, 2009, two days after my last visit with her. I'm so glad to have had that last visit with her. To have groomed her and given her the hay she liked so well, but could no longer chew easily. I gave her a big carrot and lots of hugs and told her that I loved her. You should always, and frequently, tell those you love that you love them because you never know when that might be the last chance you get.
I didn't know that she had died until I arrived for my second regular visit of the week on the 31st. I did not see her out in the pasture with the rest of the herd and then I knew what was under the blue tarp that hadn't been there on Monday. It is a sadness that I am finding it hard to bear. I will miss her and her quiet acceptance and companionship. I will miss her silly faces and her tongue hanging out after eating a slice of bread. I will miss the smell of her and the smell of her breath after eating hay after eating a carrot. I will miss my arms around her neck in a hug that she always seemed to return though she lacked arms to hug me back.
You were a good friend, Margarita. May you have everlasting peace and happiness.
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More commentsDianne, I'm looking through my tears to write this. I hope sharing this with us has brought you some comfort.Hi Lynne.It has. It wasn't until I wrote this that I really came to terms with her loss. I was able to go yesterday and visit the other horses with whom she lived and groom them and clean their stalls and such without falling completely apart.Thank you for reading my article and taking the time to comment.Dianne
Beautiful Dianne. Thanks for sharing it with us.Hi Brianna.Thanks for reading and commenting.Dianne
Dianne,My eyes filled with tears as I read this. While she was indeed very special to you, imagine what a blessing you were for her.Thanks for sharing this one,Hi Nancy.Margarita's owner (for lack of a better word, I don't really think we "own" the non-human animals that we ask to live with us) always tells me that she thinks the horses get more from me than I get from them. I honestly think it is the other way around. Still, I like to think that I made her last months more pleasurable.Thanks for reading!Dianne
Hi Dianne,I am sorry for your loss. I know it must have been hard. I don't even want to think of the day that my dog Twilight passes as she is one of my best friends. My prayers are with you and I hope the pain will soon subside.Love, hugs and blessings,MichelleHi Michelle.Thank you so much. Losing someone dear to you like that makes you look harder at those you still have. Sometimes I forget to be grateful. I hope that Twilight lives a long and healthy life.Thanks again,Hugs,Dianne
One reason it took us more than five years to get another pet (a puppy) is the prospect of this kind of loss and separation sometime in the future. Like you, my daughter and I cried a lot and still do over the loss of Mystery, our last dog. It's a good sign of a sensitive heart when you can grieve over and write of the death of an animal as you would a human being. Thanks much, Dianne, for setting to written form your precious memories of Margarita, your beloved friend. Comforts to you. ~mogama~Hi Mogama.Yes, you know, the pain of loss is very difficult to deal with. When we had to put our cat's (Winnie) brother to sleep, I decided that when Winnie dies, we'd never ask another animal to live with us. That was just my grief talking. I know now that won't be the case. The joy is worth way more than the pain costs.Thank you for your kind words.Dianne
Enjoyed the ride this took the reader on....thanks for the twist and compassion shown. MarijoHi Marijo.I really do look at the non-human animals as people. I mean, we're all animals after all. They have personalities, desires and needs just like the human kind.Thanks for reading and commenting.Dianne
Brilliant way of expressing sorrow. Thanks for sharing this, Dianne.Hi Michael.It was several days after her death that it finally hit me ... what I had to do to help myself get over it. This article was the result. It just sort of happened all of its own accord. And sharing a "trouble" always halves it, as they say.Thanks,Dianne
It was a journey that you invited us to follow you on and reading about such a wonderful interaction based on loves shows what we are missing in some of our human relationships. Total unconditional acceptance has always been the bedrock of love.we all should learn to tell our loved ones how much we love them to avoid heart rending regrets when they are gone. Thank you for sharing a wonderful experienceHi Olufemi.I've often said that it is easier to love the non-human animals because they are always honest, not judgmental and don't give a ... darn ... how you are dressed, what you look like or how bad your breath is. :) Still, we should take a page from their lesson book now and then and apply it to our two-legged relationships.Thank you for your kind comments.Dianne
Well, I think others have already said what I would say, so I'll just say excellent article, and I'm glad you were able to get some peace from writing it. I hope you pass that attachment on to another animal who will enjoy it just as much.Hi Anthony.The woman who was Margarita's primary care giver and her daughter (Margarita's actual "owner") told me that this past year was Margarita's best year because I had come into her life to give her attention and love. The daughter lives hours away and her mother works five days a week. And it seems that her daughter and I were the only people who loved her in spite of her crusty and feisty ways. Truth is, that was what attracted me to her in the first place. That and her habit of rubbing her face so hard against my thigh that it nearly knocked me over. :)The woman rescues horses and has a big heart. Right now, she cares for five horses, but there have been as many as nine. She might be getting one of them back soon as it is not working out well where she was placed. I love them all and help care for them, but Margarita touched me in a way none of the others have. Can't explain it.I also can't explain how much peace and release of tension I received from writing my piece and sharing it with you all. So, thank you for reading it.Dianne
I loved the element of surprise. I was envisioning an old lady till that 2nd paragraph from the end, and I was pleasantly surprised.Hi Sandie.I was sometimes surprised to realize that it was a horse standing before me and not a human when dealing with Margarita. Actually, I think of all the others as people too.I wasn't actually going for an element of surprise. Really, that's just the way it came out of me. When it was done and I realized what I had, I thought, "Well, good. It's perfect that way."So, what part of Arizona are you from? I live in Dewey. Not Dewey-Humboldt, which incorporated a couple of years ago and is now a town. My Dewey is a little piece of unincorporated Yavapai County squished in between the land-gluttonous Prescott Valley and D-H.Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting.Dianne
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