Just When You Think You Know What You're Doing ...
Posted: Monday, August 16, 2010
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
Just about the time when you start to think you are finally getting the hang of something, something else comes along and makes you take another think about it. I'm sure you know the feeling. You've worked hard and long to understand some new system, learn some new skill, break some bad habit and then in one brief moment, all your confidence in your new abilities comes crashing down. And it can take so little. A casual remark. A slight snub. A refusal to budge.
I just recently finished the last article in a series about the basics of horseback riding. It was the fourth in the series and it covered the actual riding part. I felt that I could finally go ahead and publish it because I was confident I knew what I was talking about. In it, I made the comment that it is easy to get a horse moving and considerably more important to know how to get it to stop. But then there is the horse that I will call Baby Girl or BG for right now. That's not her real name but is an affectionate name that her owner calls her. BG is a really big and broad Paint mare of about seven years of age with the demeanor of a much older and wiser horse. She has a steady mind and a kind manner and was the first of my friend's herd to truly accept me. I've always wanted to ride her and I thought that she wanted me to do that. Only recently did I get up on her for the first time.
My friend, BG's owner, had to go back to work after having the summer off. She is a school nurse. On one of her last days off, we went for my first trail ride. I was riding the horse that I usually ride and she rode BG. It was a total blast. "My" horse is an excellent trail "pony" and we know each other well enough and trust each other enough that I was able to really enjoy the scenery. We rode several trails in the Granite Mountain wilderness. Much of it was rocky and hilly and a real challenge for a rider (me) who is more accustomed to the level and stable footing of show arenas. I joked that he must be part mule because he was so sure-footed (his ears are not nearly big enough, though).
It was so much fun that we decided we had to do more of this. My friend (MF) said that she would really like to take one of her other horses that she thinks would benefit from trail riding. She thought it would help her (a Bay mare) to get her mind straight. MF said the only drawback was that we would have to do it on Saturdays now and with my husband's (Bernd) new job his only days off are Saturday and Sunday. I get to see so little of him during the week that I really look forward to our time together on the weekend. She suggested I see if I could talk him into going on the rides with us. He would ride my usual horse and I would ride BG. I thought that sounded great. But I wanted to get in some "at home" experience on BG before hitting the trails with her.
So, on a recent visit, I first rode my usual horse and then I groomed and tacked up BG. That all went really well. She took the bit without any fussing. She was very polite about picking up her feet so I could clean her hooves. She walked nicely with me up to the round pen and walked right into it when I opened the gate. I gave her some licorice so she would have something to "think" about when I got up on her. She stood nice and still next to the tub that I use for a mounting block (I'm really short) and I was up on her back in a moment. She walked on when I asked her to and we made several circuits of the round pen. I was thinking to myself that this was going really well and was just about to ask for a trot when she walked into the center of the pen and stopped dead. I wasn't sure what to think so we just stood there for a moment and then I asked her to once more walk on. She would not budge.
In my meager experience with horses, they mostly just want to go. They think walking and trotting around is a great bunch of fun. Apparently BG is of a different mind. I clucked to her. I made kissing sounds. I tried "giddy up" and "walk on." I shook the reins and kicked her in one side (not hard), then the other side, and then both sides at once. I shifted my weight forward. I sang her a couple of songs. I whistled. Nothing I did would make her move.
I was worried that she wanted me to get down off of her and that if I did get down, it would just reinforce this behavior in her. So I must have sat on her big broad back (my hips were sore the next day) for at least a half an hour. Sometimes we just stood and looked at the day and the few meager clouds. Or listened to neighbors and dogs in the distance. Then I'd have another go at getting her to walk on. Finally, I decided that maybe something about the saddle wasn't right and I got down anyway to have a look. But everything looked just fine. The bit and bridle looked good too. I walked her, by leading her, circling the round pen a couple of times and her gait looked fine too. So I decided to get back up on her and have another go at it.
I got her "parked" next to the tub with a sugar cube in her mouth. I got up on the tub and just as I was about to put my foot in the stirrup, she walked off. For the next ten minutes or so with the sweat running down my face from under my helmet and the hot summer sun beating down on the both of us, I moved that heavy tub all around the round pen trying to get back up on her. She would walk forward. She would back up. She would move her hind end away from me and then her front end. The whole time we were doing this silly dance, she had her nose pointed straight ahead and her eyes forward, but her ears were canted back toward me and I could feel her laughing inside. Finally, I gave up and walked her back to the barn. I'm not proud of it nope, not at all.
I thought I was really getting the hang of this whole horse thing. At a recent horse show when another competitor asked me for a hand with her horse, before she gave him to me she asked, "You're a horsewoman, aren't you?" I assured her that I was. What was I thinking? Obviously, I still have a lot to learn.
So if you find yourself being a little too self-satisfied with yourself or thinking that you've really got the hang of something or other, be sure to remind yourself that you probably don't know everything yet. And remember that despite all you do know, you still might not know jack. But take heart from the words of Sarah McLachlan in her song, "Perfect Girl:"
Don't worry you will find the answer if you let it go
Give yourself some time to falter
But don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what
And everything will come around in time
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More commentsI can so relate to your frustrating experience, Dianne, and how it makes you doubt and question yourself. But this horse's moodiness doesn't negate anything you've achieved so far in any way. You are a horsewoman, there's nothing that can change that.Even people at the top of their game who have decades of years of experience don't always get it right. I love how you brought your article to a close. Lots of love to you.Hi Jennifer.If all it takes to be a horsewoman is to deeply love horses, then for sure I am a horsewoman. I think it is in my nature to always wonder about the rest of it.Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder about "experts" having their difficult moments too. You are sooo right.I thought of you as I added the lines from that song. I was at a loss for how to end the article gracefully and your picture popped into my head. Then I knew what I had to do. That's when I heard the song in my head. Wonderfully weird how these things work, hunh?Many hugs,DianneIt is wonderfully weird! And even more, I'm going through the same thing today, and have just been holding on to your article, and the words of that song, especially the bit about faltering. So, thanks again :)
hi dianne,ya gotta love your patience and stamina. i do, at least.are you sure those horses don't see you coming, and toy with you because they know you'll be patient with them :) ?more power to you,i enjoyed reading about your dilemma,love,sueHi Sue.As for patience and stamina, I think Bernd might categorize it as stupidity or at least plain old mule-headed stubbornness. But how could you not be patient with them? I mean they only outweigh me by about ten times and are probably way more smarter than me in reality. :)I am so totally sure they have my number. I figure they've had it since the very first time they laid eyes on me. They probably said something like, "Ooh boy, there's a softy. We can have some good fun with her." Got to love them for it!I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thanks for the comments!Hugs and love,Dianne
Dianne, Plus, they have their good days and bad too.I rode this one horse for months and he used to beat me up constantly. one day everything came together and it was great-i wasn't aware that he was building up his respect- It's all about RESPECT, its an evolution thing-takes time. The lady who worked w/ me used to say, "I'd bust his butt if he tried that stuff /w me...he knows he can't get away with it!" She would get on him and he would be a $%&@%&* cat-he knew the difference. The more you let them know what's right or not the less you need to scold. They are smart, they learn the parameters of right and wrong but only by being emphatic and consistent.-happy trailsBing,I know I'm not nearly as firm with any of them as I need to be. The owner (I use the word "owner" as shorthand for the woman who has rescued, cares for and loves these fine companions) has told me so often that I need to be firmer. On the few occasions when she has given me a "lesson," she will remark that he looks happiest when I am demanding the most of him. That he really just wants to know ... clearly ... what I am asking him (the horse I usually ride) to do. And honestly, I can see and feel the difference in him at those times. She tells me that he respects me most at those times and appreciates my leadership.I'm projecting myself onto these horses. I know this. I don't like to be pushed around and told what to do and I always figure they feel the same way. At least I'm consistent ... if that's not a contradiction. Well, okay, maybe not consistent enough. Yah. I get it. You're right. I've got a lot more work to do on me. Yup!Thanks for the advice and happy trails to you too!Dianne
Dianne, thanks a lor for this interesting article - I enjoyed reading - it was very exciting and have a GOOD DAY!Hi Vladimir.You are most welcome. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I hope you have a wonderful day too.Dianne
You had me laughing Dianne. I could see you trying to get on BG for the second time and moving that tub around as she moved. Hilarious! I agree with you. I get gun shy too. I tend to get uneasy when things appear to be going too easily. I was going to say, keep on trying, but I know you will!Hi Brianna.At the time, I was NOT laughing, but the memory of it does make me smile now. :) There's that saying about waiting for the other shoe to drop when something has gone wrong. Well, I think I spend a lot of time waiting for that first shoe to drop. :) :)Thanks for reading. And no matter what the reason I'm always happy when I can amuse you.Hugs,Dianne
I agree.... just because I have a degree in Finance does not mean I can solve every financial crisis in the world. Now I would like to but I am only one person!Hi James.Doesn't mean we don't keep trying though, does it? Besides, I'm sure you make a big difference in the lives of those you touch in all sorts of ways.Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.Dianne
Hi, I wanted to give you two fives, so this not readers club, but it doesn't give the stars option. I'll try it again later.Hi Jennifer.That's really sweet, but don't worry about it one bit. Five stars is nice, but I don't obsess about the stars. What really amazes me is that this is Reader's Choice #1 for quite some while now. Can't imagine!I looked up the time in South Africa and it looks like you are about nine hours ahead of me, so your day will be winding down now. It's about 8:30 a.m. here. I'll wish you a good evening and pleasant dreams.Hugs,Dianne
Wonderful article, Dianne, and so relevant to life. It's those "horse won't budge" moments where we grow the most, I think.I would love to have a horse or two!Hi Ken.You've got to have at least two. One horse doesn't make a herd and they are happiest in a herd. :)I'm glad you found something relevant in the article. I think you are right about when we grow the most. And I've always learned more from my failures than my successes.Thanks so much for reading and commenting!Hugs,Dianne
Hi Dianne, I'm reading this outside of readers' club. It's still wonderful :)Hi Jennifer.Thanks!Big hugs,Dianne
That's why it's important never to be rigid in life. Cultivating flexibility is critical to thriving in life, and persevering in the face of any challenge. The best way to do things, is to take a little bit from everything, always be prepared for change, and never get stuck and hold on to things. The biggest problem in our culture is ego. Peoples' identification to things. As soon as you identify, or attach yourself to something, you limit your potential for what you can achieve. Succeeding in all things, comes down to disidentification. And also to disattach from the need to be validated and approved by others. Because everyone is limited by their own experiences, and perceptions are limiting. I like the quote by Socrates "As for me, all I know is I know nothing." I can't think of any statement more true.And "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil." People are full of false words, so as Anthony Robbins says "You have to stand guard at the door of your mind" and protect yourself because "life is either sugar or strychnine, it is either sweet or it can kill you."SocratesHi Bruce.Very astute observations and the quotes are very good as well. As a kid, I thought I knew a lot. But as I've aged I've learned, that like Socrates, I know nothing. Mostly that's okay. There can be times though, when it is dangerous.I think the need to feel you know something is actually a need for the feeling of security. When I do "A," "B" happens ... every time. But life is like a flowing river. The water may seem to take the same path around the rocks, but in reality, that is only a surface appearance.Thank you for reading and thanks so much for your comments.Dianne
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