Things Creep up on You
Posted: Monday, October 04, 2010
by Dianne Lehmann
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Some years ago, the brakes in my Mustang went completely bad. It was a long process that was only brought to my attention when I had the same dream three nights in a row. My subconscious knew what my rational mind just couldn't see. In the dream, I was driving happily along and I would come to a traffic signal and I couldn't stop. Panic would set in as I entered the intersection sure that I was about to be smashed to pieces by the cross traffic.
When I returned home that evening, he told me that my brakes were almost completely gone. That very soon I would not have been able to, in reality, stop. It was then that I told him about the dreams. He wanted to know how I could ignore such a thing. I told him that it had been building up so slowly over time that I had come to think of it as the norm; until the dreams, that is. I had come to accept it as the normal functioning of my car. I had become accustomed to it.
The new brakes took some getting used to. It was probably pretty funny watching me stop my car for the first few days. I was certainly glad to get rid of the tension in my right thigh, though.
Recently, I had a similar experience with another sort of conveyance. This one was a horse however. At one of the shows I attended, a judge commented to me that I needed to work on getting my heels down. I'm not entirely certain why this is necessary, except to say that they do sort of act as shock absorbers when you are rising up and coming down in the trot.
So I started to be more aware of my heels and tried to get them lower than my toes. This changed how I held my leg which changed how I sat in the saddle which changed everything. Suddenly I was sitting and riding differently and all the little ways in which my horse and I had learned to communicate went right out the window. I didn't know what the heck I was doing and he didn't know what the heck I wanted. It created a whole host of problems.
He started leaving the little practice arena I use right over the telephone poles that form its border. He would just stop and start eating weeds right in the middle of our work. He would drop out of the trot when I didn't ask him to, and trot off with me in the direction of the barn for no apparent reason. I lost all confidence in my ability to ride him.
Over a couple of months, I descended into a complete funk and questioned everything about my involvement with horses. These changes happened so gradually and became such a "normal" part of my life that I completely forgot what it was like before that judge's comment. They joy went out of me to the point that the owner of "my" horse finally felt compelled to write me a note about it (she works full time and we seldom see each other). All that she wrote fell right in line with all that I was feeling and made me sit up and take a long hard look at what had changed.
I had lost my confidence in me and trust in "my" horse and he had stopped trusting me to keep him safe. That's a bad combination all around. What had changed happened so slowly that I hadn't really noticed. I wasn't riding as I had always ridden, but I couldn't see that at the time. I should point out that previously my riding was good enough for a few blue ribbons. So why did I think I had to change it? I don't really know.
After much fruitless soul searching and worry and attempts to figure it out, I finally found the answer. Stop worrying about my heels (and another judge's comment about keeping my legs "quiet") and just ride as I always had. Have fun and don't worry about what others might think. Unfortunately, fixing it with "my" horse isn't as easy as fixing the brakes in a car. We have to build up our trust of each other again. I have to feel confident that I can effectively communicate what I want and that he will listen. He has to feel that I am a good commander who knows what she wants and will not ask him to do something that will harm him. We're working on it.
In the meantime, we recently rode in the last Equistar show of the season and did very well. We got enough of our good communication back to place well and we even took the high point championship award for the English Pleasure Walk and Trot for 2010. I found myself smiling while riding my classes. Something I had not done in a very long time. And "my" horse's owner said "my" horse was happier than he had been in a long time. I've gotten enough of my confidence back to even resume riding one of the owner's other horses so that she gets more exercise.
This is a long way to go to make a simple point, but that is how I am made. I can't seem to do things simply and some things just take more time than others. My point is this, things change all the time. Not all things change suddenly like a slap in the face. Some things change slowly with a gentle nudge here, a quiet suggestion there. Sadly, they don't always change for the good. When you find yourself suddenly unhappy in your life or a specific situation, sometimes the reason is not always immediately clear or recent. Sometimes you have to look way back to find what started it all. But for sure, don't think that the way things currently are is the way they have to be for all time from now on. That was my trap and I am so glad to have broken free of it. It seems to me that awareness at all times is the key and from now on, I'll do my best not to let things creep up on me.
By the way, given the time of year that it is, I hope you weren't expecting this to be a creepy Halloween story. I do so hate to disappoint.
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Personally Dianne I like how you tell a story to make a point. Don't ever stop. Otherwise it wouldn't be YOU who is talking but someone who changed because of the opinions of others. And we saw how unhappy that can make a person as you so nicely pointed out.Hi Dixie.
It's how I learn so I probably, for better or worse, won't stop telling my stories. I just wish it didn't always take me so darn long to learn my lessons. :)
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Hugs,
Dianne
Love your ramblings! Keep 'em coming!Hi Marijo.
Yup. That's what they are ... ramblings. I think it's a sure sign of my age that I seem to be able to relate so much to things I've done. I was also, as a younger person, amazed at all the stories those older than me had. Well, now I am one of them. Oh my! :) I know a few young people and talk to them now and then. I sure hope I don't bore them to death because I can't seem to stop the story telling.
Thanks so much.
Hugs,
Dianne
This made me think of my first car. My Mustang white 1967. It put me into several different dream states. Finally, the transmission went out on me. Traded it in for a 69 Pontiac Le Mans. Loved your article.Hi Christopher.
The Mustang in my story was the second car my husband and I bought together. It was a 1979 and it had a voracious electrical system that ate batteries and voltage regulators. But it was fun to drive. We used it some years ago as a tool to help us sell a rental house. We see it around town now and then.
Glad you liked my story and thanks for reading it and taking the time to comment.
Hugs,
Dianne
Excellent article as always Dianne! You make your articles so much fun to read.~ GraceHi Grace.
That's wonderful praise coming from you. I always enjoy reading your articles.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hugs,
Dianne
Don't worry Dianne, you didn't disappoint. It was an interesting article. I've noticed change has become a theme lately on SearchWarp. I guess it is inevitable for everyone. I"m glad you got out of your funk and back on your horse! Changes are not always for the better but they're not always permanent either. I like your attitude.Hi Brianna.
I'm glad to be out of it. My horse and I are having fun again and I'm not taking it nearly so seriously. Didn't ride today though. The thunderstorms were just too crazy.
As for change being a theme, are we all that old or is it just the time of year? Changing of the seasons and all that.
Anyway, I think it is kind of cool how our minds run to the same topics. Really makes it feel like family when we are all thinking so much alike.
Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting.
Hugs,
Dianne
Oh to have a mustang in the UK! I love horseriding, and I too believe if you have a rapor with your horse you should go with it. Congratulations on the high point. Loved the story. jillHi Jill.
I didn't really realize it until I was reading Christofer French's comment that I wrote about a car named for a horse and a horse. So, I'm not really sure if you mean a mustang horse or a Mustang car. :) I've actually worked a little with mustang horses. It was fun and very educational. A wild raised horse is quite a bit different from a completely domestically raised horse. But even so, they are very much the same too. The traits that made the horse such a successful survivor in the wild are very well hard wired into their genetics, in my opinion.
Anyway, thanks for the congrats and I'm glad you loved the story!
Thanks for reading.
Hugs,
Dianne
It's good to read about your riding again, Dianne. It's very easy to be influenced by what people say, and to accept it when they say we're wrong. I'm so glad you made the decision to do what worked for you - kudos to you! I love the way you go about your life, it's so organic and real. You're always an inspiration to me :)Hi Jennifer.
I've never really thought about my approach to life as being "organic and real," but I like the idea. Thanks!
Bernd is always telling me to be myself and that can have very broad implications. I should listen to him more and stop thinking that I need to somehow be more than I am. Also, I have thrown out the notion that I need to please the judges. Scores shmores, right? I need to please me and my horse. That's it.
Ooh! Lordy! That was a close one. We are having some very late Monsoon-like thunderstorms and that last lightning strike was really close. Thank goodness we had the forethought to buy an industrial strength surge suppressor for the computer.
So anyway, that sent whatever I was going to type next right out of my head. :) Thanks for reading!
Many hugs,
Dianne
Enjoyed reading your story DianneHi David.
Thanks so much!
Hugs,
Dianne
It was fun to read this article Dianne. Don't stop keep writing.Hi Jacob.
Just try to stop me! :)
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.
Hugs,
Dianne
Dianne,Great article! Did you go into a funk and question your involvement with cars? hehe, jk. I think, especially with cars, we need to do the little things that people are quick to forget in order to make sure our cars don't "leave the little practice area" and the next thing you know, your ___ fails. For example, when was the last time you replaced your wipers? Unless you have checked them in the past year, you might want to get another pair for the fall/winter season. My girlfriend's car I noticed had wipers that appeared to have been there for 5+ years and so I quickly put new ones on. It's the little things, ya know, that are easiest to creep up on us. B-)Hi B2C.
You made me laugh. Noooo. I did not question my involvement with cars. It has clearly always been and will always be a love/hate relationship. :) My husband is very good at maintaining our cars. And yes, my car's windshield wipers are in good shape. Although, my window washer reservoir needs some fluid. I recently learned how to change the oil in my car myself. How about that?
And yes, you are so right, it is the little things that creep up on us most easily. Small, quiet, sneaky little things. A lot like me. :)
Thanks so much for reading and for you sage and amusing comments.
Hugs,Dianne
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