Sunday Morning Brunch Meetings with the Dressage Desperados
Posted: Monday, October 11, 2010
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
I am about to attend my third meeting with the Dressage Desperados. There is one before each of our four schooling shows during the year. I am not exactly sure at this point why this isn't my fourth meeting because we are about to hold our fourth and last show of the year. Sadly, my memory isn't what it once was. One too many falls from horses, maybe.
With all of my food allergies and general intolerances, my cooking as it has been explained to me by my loving but infuriatingly honest husband, Bernd, is not normally fit for general consumption. I'm a good cook, actually, and he has no complaints. In truth, he raves about the food I make. It's just that he eats "out" now and then and has a much better idea than I do of what the average person expects their food to taste like. And apparently it is not what I produce.
I do not use any salt, very little sugar (when sweetening is needed I'm much more likely to use agave syrup) and don't give a darn about texture or appearance so long as it fills me up, doesn't upset my gastrointestinal tract too much and tastes well not bad. I'm just not fussy about food. For me it is just fuel to keep me going. Except of course for our Saturday "date" with a movie and spaghetti. I make a mean spaghetti sauce with meat from scratch and it is frequently the food highlight of my week.
So these brunch meetings, hosted by my good friend and the owner of the horse that I ride, are a bit of a problem for me. What the heck do I make and take as my contribution to the potluck?
For the first meeting I attended, I made my version of a cinnamon and raisin scone. At least one other person liked them mostly after she drenched it in maple syrup. For the second meeting, I made blueberry muffins. Now I know why they say to never make them with frozen blueberries. The raw batter quickly turned very purple which settled into a not totally unpleasant shade of grayish green after they were baked. They were way too moist (my fear was that they would be dry) and stuck mercilessly to your teeth. Several people politely ate one (luckily they were small), but one woman took one bite and left the rest on her plate. The daughter of my friend professed to like them because they were not as sweet as store bought and so I left several with her. Later it occurred to me that she was also probably just being polite.
So I've been experimenting on Bernd. I tried an apple and cranberry muffin. Our neighbor's apple tree has been allowed to grow quite a bit larger than you generally do with fruit trees and it produced a prodigious number of apples this year. All sorts of horses have benefited from this. My neighbor told me to pick as many as I like which would be really generous of him except for the fact that most of the branches are hanging on the ground in my backyard. In my mind, my problem to clean up makes it my apples to pick as I like. Nevertheless, we have a lot of apples and I have been looking for ways to use them. Bernd's assessment of the muffins went like this: "They are so moist that they stick to your teeth and yet at the same time seem dry because you need a lot of liquid to get them down. They are sweet enough for once, but generally very bland. I don't think they are fit for general consumption." Well, I did ask him for his opinion. So I have given up baking for these meetings.
Next, in a fit of inspiration, I decided to have a go at deviled eggs. Believe it or not, I am 58 years old and have never before in my life made deviled eggs. I can hard cook an egg to perfection; yolk completely done and no gray color to it at all. But all we ever do with them is peel them and eat them. Seems like a waste doesn't it? Maybe I should preserve one and frame it so that folks will believe me.
I should warn you that I never, and I mean never, do anything food wise in the normal and accepted fashion. What would be the fun in that? So instead of going online and finding some nice safe deviled egg recipes, I made one up. First off, I can not use commercially prepared mayonnaise because they add salt to it and I wanted to be able to eat these deviled eggs because they would probably be the only thing at the meeting that I could eat. I've tried making my own mayonnaise and all I ever get is a runny mess that bears little resemblance to that smooth whitish goo that you smear on sandwich bread. Instead, I used olive oil, a little vinegar, a little agave syrup, a little mustard powder and flax seed meal. The lignins in the flax seed really help to sort of glue things together. Bernd's main complaint when I use it in salad dressings is that it makes it slimy. But as I've already mentioned, I don't give a rat's behind about texture. And I actually like stick-to-your-teeth gooiness.
I hard cooked some eggs to perfection, cut them in half and put the yolks into my faux mayonnaise. Then I minced some fresh sweet onion and cilantro and mixed it all together. Then I had to figure out how to get the mess back into the whites in a relatively attractive manner. While I may not care how it looks, unfortunately others do.
My mom gave me a cookie press when Bernd and I first got married. She would make the most wonderful assortment of cookies with her press every Christmas. They were colorful, tasty, came in fantastic shapes and melted in you mouth. I have no idea what she thought I was going to do with that cookie press. I was never going to be a Miss Suzy Homemaker. I went down to the basement, found the darn thing (still in its original box that looks like something straight out of the 1950's that you might see on Antiques Road Show) and brought it upstairs to the kitchen. Then I started experimenting with the various tips and plates.
The first one I tried looked like the egg yolk had well let's just say that it would have looked more appropriate in your toilet. Another I tried clogged up almost immediately due to the bits of onion and cilantro. Finally, I hit on the tip that is supposed to allow you to make perfect clairs and lady fingers. With the devilish part attractively planted in the whites, I sprinkled the tops of some with sweet and mild paprika, some with chipotle powder and I left some plain. I had one of each for lunch and saved the rest for Bernd to test when he got home from work. I quite liked the chipotle, but my thought was that the paprika topped was the best. Bernd agreed, but said he liked the "bite" of the chipotle but not the smokiness of it and suggested that I add cayenne to the mixture. So that is what I will be going with. I don't know if anyone else will like them, but I will. And truthfully, everyone else brings so much food that if I didn't, it probably wouldn't matter. But I like to pull my own weight. And I've decided that a different and less serious attitude about the food I bring to these meetings is in order.
Now I know what you are thinking, why doesn't she just buy something ready made at the store? Well, I could, but that wouldn't be sporting and not nearly as much fun.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)It wouldn't have been so much fun to read about, either, Dianne! I laughed all the way through this, but seriously, I think your eggs sound devilish yummy :)Hi Jennifer.
Laughter is the best medicine and that is for sure. When I finally learned to laugh at myself I was liberated. You know, I've discovered that some of my most happy moments come when I can help others to laugh. Shoulda been a comedian ... nah!
The eggs were yummy, but a lot of work. I'm not so much into making "fussy" stuff. But if Bernd ever asked for them again, I would make them out of love.
Hope all is well.
Hugs,
Dianne
So funny, Dianne! You are a courageous and independent woman!Hi Jean.
Oh wow! That made me laugh out loud. I am anything but! But thanks for the thought. Not so sure about the funny either. But I'll take that one as gracefully as I can. You're a treasure, you know that?
Hugs,
Dianne
What would you do without your poor husband Bernd to judge your work?Hi David.
He does suffer so, doesn't he. I guess I'd have to inflict it upon friends. :) Actually, that's what I plan to do this afternoon. The Dressage Desperados is having its annual bar-b-Q and awards ceremony in a month and I agreed to bring a vegetable dish. Oh my! I'm going to try it out on a friend at the last DD schooling show in a few hours.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hugs,
Dianne
I never cooked much in my younger years and had to learn in my latter years. I've turned out some doozies. I'm sure your eggs were a hit. Anything done with that much love has to be good.Hi Linda.
I never cooked much when I was younger either. It's something I've taken up in the last 17 years or so. Most of what I make turns out ... edible, but there have been some real fiascoes.
I had not take into account the love "ingredient." You might be right about that.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hugs,
Diann
Hi Dianne,
I have a niece who trains horses and people(how to ride them). She's also a dressage rider, but she never got married. She's very pretty but she's a terrible cook(like her mother). You are lucky, you have a mother that knows how to cook, so at least you can fake it. She had no chance. I loved your article. Thanks
OOOO's
BobHi Bob.
I've no idea how old your niece is, but she still might get married. You never know. And if she is lucky, she will marry someone who can cook well. :)
I'm glad that you liked my story!
Hugs right back at ya'
Dianne
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