Faking Friendliness
Posted: Monday, November 01, 2010
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
My husband calls me from work during his lunch breaks on the days that I am home. He doesn't always have much to say and neither do I, but we enjoy hearing each other's voices. Just the other day, however, he told me something that really got me worked up. And it takes quite a bit to get me riled.
He'd had a customer that morning that told him he answered all of her questions but he wasn't very friendly. Now my husband, Bernd, is never unfriendly and I'd go so far as to say he is actually friendly all of the time. He is helpful and generally very pleasant to be around. And I'm not saying that because I love him. On the rare (and I mean rare) occasion that he is being an idiot about something, I let him know. I don't have to do that very often.
Somewhere in corporate America, some socially retarded think-tanker who has never been in a real retail situation in his entire life and has no good idea how hard those people already work decided that if customers thought you cared about them, really cared about them, they would be happier and more likely to do what you want; that is buy their product or service.
“I think that they are browbeaten... and in fear for their lives and jobs if they don't stick strictly to corporate policy and smile, smile, smile.”
Now, when you use a charge or debit card to pay for your groceries, your name is printed right on the receipt so that the cashier can read it, fumble around in his/her mind for a while trying to figure out how to say your name and then say to you something that sounds like, "Thank you for shopping with us today Mrs. Lehh-ha-men." Usually, they have said it so quickly you are not really certain what they have said. Not only that, but everywhere you go you are greeted with fake smiles and close-to-cheery "hellos" and "how are yous" and so forth. Personally, I have never enjoyed this forced cheerfulness and seemingly overweening joy to see me. Furthermore, it has spoiled me for those who are genuine (well okay not completely, but I like to emphasize a point whenever I can) with their greetings and truly happy I've graced their day. There are a few. Read that any way you like.
Is it any wonder that because we are barraged with this disingenuous behavior everywhere we go that some folks would come to expect it at all times and under all circumstances? To my mind it is kind of like the McDonald's Effect. Well, that's what I call it. McDonald's was and is extremely good at getting your food to you in a hurry. They pretty much set the standard for fast food restaurants in that area. Then all the fast food establishments had to step up to the plate and make good on the challenge. As a result, people have come to expect instant results wherever they go. This has bled over into so many areas that Bernd constantly battles it in his line of work as well. He is an optician and he sells glasses; glasses that will be ready in about a week to ten days. Come on, not everyone is Lenscrafters and not even they can make each and every pair in about an hour. But a large number of his customers need them tomorrow. They expect them tomorrow and can't understand why they can't have them tomorrow.
I think the same thing has happened with fake friendliness. Suddenly, if you are not gushing with joy to see someone and falling over in your haste to welcome them and help them attain their every desire, you are not friendly. Even worse than that, Bernd has been called rude more than once when he had to explain that a customer could not get exactly what they wanted at exactly the price they wanted in exactly the span of time they absolutely required it. There is no rudeness there; just facts. When did we become so thin-skinned that the facts upset us so easily? What makes us believe and expect that everyone everywhere we go should be happy to see us all of the time?
I for one see right through most people's attempts at faking friendliness and it does not give me joy. Instead, I think that they are browbeaten and put upon by corporate brass and in fear for their lives and jobs if they don't stick strictly to corporate policy and smile, smile, smile. I feel sorry for them, but I also feel manipulated and abused.
I'm sure that some people do not see the fakery and enjoy the recognition. Who wouldn't love to be loved everywhere they went? But this virus has spread long enough and is about to kill its host. I think we should stop it before it does.
This Article has been viewed 1,593 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (8 total)"Have a NICE day!"Hi Paul.
Well, I deserved that, didn't I. But I know that you meant that in the nicest way.
Big hugs,
Dianne(huge smile) You figured correctly.
It's the same everywhere; even meteorologists on television are smarmy when they say,"And YOUR weather, on YOUR Wednesday...."
It's more than just insincerity, it's an oily friendliness that borders on an impersonal hostility, like when we step on someone's toes on the subway and blurt out,"Excuse me!"
Only down South, in Texas, did I find a remote warmth when the checkout gal in the supermarket smiled a toothy smile and said,"Ya'll have a NICE day!"
Ten stars Dianne! I've never put this into words, even in my mind, but you are so right, it does grate. There are a few, very few, people in business who call me by name, give a cheerful greeting, and obviously mean it. Sincerity can't be faked. By the way, these same people are always the ones whose company does an outstanding job of providing service, and especially, customer service. Something else that is a sad rarity in today's world. I'm betting you'll push a lot of buttons with this article. :)Hi Joyce.
Oddly enough, I didn't think that this article would push buttons with people when I wrote it. There have been some articles that I thought for sure would do that ... and then they didn't. So I will be curious to see how this all turns out.
You are so right when you say that sincerity can't be faked, so you've got to wonder why people keep trying.
So anyway, thanks so much for reading and for adding your thoughts.
Hugs,
Dianne
You should try living in Italy, Dianne, they just don't do polite and "be nice"! When I lived there it was a shock at first, but once I got used to it I enjoyed it. It's funny I should read this today - my landlady hires a handyman to do stuff around the house, and he's SUPER NICE, completely drives me beserk!Hi Jennifer.
I think I could get used to that, but I wouldn't know until I tried. I've said often enough that I would prefer honesty to smarmy (as Paul put is so well, that's a great word isn't it) insincerity, but when it comes right down to it, I don't really know that for certain. Just imagine if every time I walked into a certain shop, the employees said, "Oh no! Not you again." Maybe I'd rather they were just indifferent. No. That's not it either.
I have one friend who is SUPER nice ... all the time. When I was first getting to know her, I thought something was amiss. Maybe she was just putting it on. Maybe she wanted something from me. But that wasn't it at all. She's just nice. But I think when I am faced with this put-on niceness ... oh, never mind. No sense rehashing it all.
Thanks so much for stopping by and making me think about this some more ... I think. :)
Many hugs,
Dianne
Very true!
The difference between True smile that comes from the deep within the heart and the smile where we are just showing that we are listening is like the moon and the sun and people know when it is dark and when it is light.Hi Kim.
What you have written is absolutely true.
Thank you for reading my article and taking the time to leave a comment. I always appreciate it.
I really like your picture!
Hugs,
Dianne
Love it, Dianne! I go to a gym every morning where the employees are required to welcome everyone by name after they verify membership. I find it absolutely unnerving to have complete strangers say to me, "Have a great workout, Bruce!"
I used to work big-box retail and we heard all the time about how much shoplifting goes down when a person is looked in the eyes and greeting when entering a store. When you go into a Best Buy and the guy in the yellow shirt says, "Hello, how are you today?" he really doesn't care how you're doing, he just doesn't want you to walk off with a Taylor Swift CD under your jacket. Talk about fake friendliness!Hi Bruce.
I'd completely forgotten about all the lectures we got about shoplifters and greeting people when I was working in retail. Ahhh, thanks for the memories. Not. :)
When people I don't know start calling me by name I wonder if someone has stuck a name tag on me somewhere that I can't see it. You're right, it's just plain weird.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hugs,
Dianne
Great article, Dianne. Danny works in customer service and has talked about customer expectations, his employees' delivery and the problems that arise just from being kind. Besides, who wants to be told "no" by someone who is smiling at you?Hi Lorrie.
You're right, when someone tells me "no" I don't want them to be smiling. That would seem to imply that they are happy to be saying "no." But if they don't really care, then I don't want them to try faking sadness either. Boy, I'm tough to please, aren't I. :)
As for Danny, please tell him that I have a great deal of respect for him working in customer service. That has got to be one of the most difficult jobs in existence!
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Dianne
Interesting article Dianne. I had never given your question about fake happiness or real happiness much thought because I had been in sales most of my life and I loved it. To me there was nothing greater than being able to serve people and help them find what they needed. That was my way of serving God. It always made me feel high when a transaction was completed and I knew I was able to help someone.Hi Linda.
I've been in retail all my life ... well, not right now except to sell my own jewelry ... but I've worked for a lot of companies. I pretty much felt the same way you do. I was happy to help people. It seems to be what I love to do most. And I think that is why this current state of affairs as I perceive it rankles so much.
You would probably be just the kind of person most employers are looking for these days and you'd be genuine about it too. Bonus, bonus, bonus.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hugs,
Dianne
You've hit the nail on the head Dianne.I have to say this, I'll probably get flamed for it :) But here goes.False friendliness arrived on our shores with McDonalds, I look on it as an Americanism we can do without.'Have a nice day' LOLIf we Brits say that to each other, it's greeted with loud laughter, BECAUSE it's so false.Hi Bill.
McDonald's has a lot to answer for. But it wasn't always like it is now. When I was a wee child in the 50's, there was only one McDonald's for miles around (actually it was the first one in Downey in southern California) and they didn't have much competition and therefore were free to keep it real and good.
I will say this though, there are a few people here who when they wish you a nice day, they mean it. It's just that it's said so often and without feeling that it has primarily lost all meaning. It's like saying "hi" or "bye."
I'm really not defending us. I'm the first to admit we need fixing. But it's a problem with typing a people that you forget that it doesn't apply to all people in the society. This is in no way a complaint about what you wrote. I happen to agree with you. I just had to say a few things. I can never seem to help myself in that regard. :)
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective.
Hugs,
Dianne
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.