Riding Horses, Fear, the Anticipation of Pain, and Courage
Posted: Monday, December 13, 2010
by Dianne Lehmann
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Fear is a funny thing. It can seem to come out of nowhere. You can take a long hard look at it. You can rationalize it. You can think you have come up with the cause and have armed yourself against it. Then when faced with the actual fear, you realize that wasn't it at all. Nothing you've done or thought has done anything to relieve the fear. It's just there. Stifling. Debilitating.
There is also the knowable, though. There are things one does on a regular basis that have the ability to cause one pain and yet one does them anyway. I'm not talking about masochists. Consider this, every time you get into your car and drive somewhere there is the possibility you will have an accident. If you think otherwise you are just fooling yourself. Driving is a risky business. But you do it anyway. You push that knowledge way down inside and do your best not to think about it, otherwise you might never get into the car. I did not want to learn to drive. But my dad had died and Mom said I had to help with the shopping, other errands, and drive my sister to her various functions. It scared me more than you might expect. Not only did I anticipate personal pain, I anticipated inflicting it on others.
I read a lot of books passed down to me by my husband, Bernd. His taste in reading material is eclectic. Right now he has a particular fondness for the Jack Reacher novels by Lee Child. Reacher is a no-holds-barred kind of guy who admits that he took his fear and rechanneled it into aggression. He's the guy that punches the seemingly stuffed scarecrow propped on a porch chair when it moves suddenly rather than run away from it. He's faced pain and is prepared for it. Of course, it helps that he is huge and fit and has had much experience in hand to hand combat.
There is a program on television that Bernd and I watch simply because it is so outrageous, implausible and totally unreal … "Human Target." The main character, Christopher Chance, isn't as large as Reacher, but he seems to have the same attitude toward pain and the anticipation of it: Yes, this is going to hurt, but this has to be done.
These characters are unreal and larger than life. But I've recently been shown a side of my friend (I'll call her Kaye) that might just rival them for determination. And she has taught me a thing or two about my own fears and how I handle them.
Kaye and her mom have six horses right now. These are the horses I play with on Mondays and Thursdays. One of the horses is a small Paint mare (I'll call her Pip) that has "issues." She is a rescued horse and so Kaye doesn't know all of her history, but it's for certain that at some time she had a really bad experience with a human on her back. And Pip learned that she can buck that human off and the riding session will end. That spells all sorts of trouble for someone who wants to rehabilitate a horse like that and find her a good home. Because, let's face it, a horse that can't be ridden has little use to most people and that is why they end up being auctioned off to meat producers. Kaye and her mom would never do that and any horse they adopt out goes with the understanding that if it doesn't work out, the horse comes back to them.
So, Kaye and I have been discussing getting started with Pip's rehabilitation; getting her "solid under the saddle." This past Thursday, we decided to get started. We started small … or we thought we started small. Pip accepted the halter with no problem. Kaye held her and I brought the saddle pad up to Pip. She gave it the "eye" showing some of the white and her nostrils went a bit wide so I didn't just throw it on her back. I let her smell it and look at it. I rubbed it on her chest and moved it along her side and eased it up onto her back. All the while Kaye was telling Pip "good girl, good girl" in a soft and soothing voice. Then I brought up the English saddle. Pip took that without complaint. I attached the girth and proceeded to tighten each side slowly and calmly. That gave her a little trouble, but Pip was a champ throughout the whole thing. Kaye told me to bring a bridle just in case she decided to get up on her and we headed for the round pen. Pip shied and had a little trouble here and there on the walk, but settled down and entered the round pen without too much protest.
We walked her around the ring with the lead rope and she seemed calm enough, so Kaye took off the halter and lead and had her run loose; sort of a lunge without the lunge line. Pip walked, trotted and cantered on command. She switched direction when asked. She halted and backed up and turned on the forehand just like a pro. So Kaye decided to get up on her.
She didn't just mount her all at once, though. Kaye put her left foot in the stirrup and bounced on her right leg putting weight on the stirrup. I was holding the reins just under Pip's chin and talking quietly to her. Kaye let Pip rest and then repeated the bouncing. Pip stood still and seemed to be ready. Kaye looked at me and said she was now going to mount all the way. I don't have to tell you that I was a bit nervous and was hoping really hard that Pip hadn't noticed. I've no real idea what was going through Kaye's mind right then, but she got right up and Pip just stood there. Kaye had me release the reins and she asked for a walk. Pip walked on without protest, pretty as you please.
She got a little more than half way around the round pen when all hell broke loose. Pip was close to the fencing of the pen when she started jigging just before going into a full buck. Kaye was able to grab the top rail with her right hand and so when Pip really took off Kaye was anchored and more or less landed on her feet. Okay so far.
I'm still really a novice when it comes to horses and defer in all ways to Kaye and her mother who have been around horses all of their lives. Still, I was somewhat dismayed by Kaye's next announcement. She was going to have to get back on because Pip could not be allowed to continue with the thought that bucking a human off will end the riding. Pip has to learn that is not an option or she will never stop bucking. I started thinking that this wasn't going to be good at all and wishing I had been privy to that knowledge before we'd begun. I'd like to think I might have thought better of the whole deal and not even gotten started. But that is just wishful thinking and water under the bridge.
She repeated the bouncing with me holding the reins under Pip's chin again. Then Kaye got up and Pip stood fine. Kaye asked me to walk her. So I kept my grip and asked Pip to walk on and set out slowly. Pip walked fine for a bit then the reins were torn out of my hand (should have been wearing my gloves) as she took off and bucked Kaye off again. This time Kaye landed hard on the packed dirt of the round pen and it took her a moment to get up. We got Pip in hand again and Kaye surprised the heck out of me and said she was going to get back on.
At that point I was thinking that if it was me I wouldn't even think of getting back on. Kaye has fallen off of a lot more horses than I have. She's cracked ribs and banged herself up good so many times that it doesn't bear thinking about. Falling off is one of my biggest fears. My first fall was so bad that I could barely breathe for days afterwards and my left side was a total mess. I hobbled around like an old woman for about a month. Not all falls are like that. I've had two since then that I walked away from and one where I actually got back on and made the horse do what I was asking. But I carry with me at all times the knowledge of how badly I was hurt and how badly I could be hurt. If I could get past the fear of falling, I think I would be a lot better rider. Just as getting past the fear of driving made me into a very good driver.
As Kaye was getting up on Pip for the last time, Pip just exploded. This time Kaye did not get up even after a moment. She hit the ground and slid a bit, then rolled and fetched up hard against the fencing. I heard her helmet smack the metal. She rolled over onto her knees and started making that noise you make when someone has just kicked you very hard in the ribs and you can't get your breath. I know that noise from when I was studying Kung Fu and it was me making it. I started to go to her, but she waved me away and wanted me to go secure Pip. Luckily, over many months, Pip and I have forged a very good relationship on the ground and she came very quietly to me.
Then I was even more astonished as I walked Pip over to Kaye. Kaye stood up and said that she had to put weight in the saddle now or we'd never get anywhere. She wasn't going to get full into the saddle, but Pip's eyes were wide and her nostrils were huge and wet and red inside and I thought it was a really bad idea. But Kaye put her foot in the stirrup and bounced up and laid her chest briefly on the saddle and slid off. Pip stood through the process. But then she took off, ripping the reins through my hand again (this time gloved), and we proceeded to try to get her to come in to us of her own free will. Nothing doing.
Kaye finally had to sit down because once the adrenalin subsided she started to feel dizzy. I crouched down hoping that would help Pip come in. But she just kept trotting in and out and calling to her herd. Finally we gave up and boxed her in between us. Took off the bridle and put the halter back on her.
That short while sitting had been just enough to let Kaye get stiff and when she tried to walk, she discovered that her right ankle was swelling up. So I walked Pip back to the barn with lots of stops along the way to calm her down and keep her from taking off. She was tossing her head and blowing great big snorts of air out of her lungs. It was a crazy experience and one I should not be eager to repeat. But for some reason or other, I feel like going out there right now and working with Pip and showing her that it can be okay. How Kaye could even get on her knowing what was most likely in store for her is a mystery to wimpy me. Kaye knew Pip had bucked off numerous riders and that she was likely to be bucked off as well. Kaye has real courage; perseverance despite fear and the assurance of pain. I learned a lot that day about a lot of things. Mostly, that I am way more afraid of falling than I realized. Now, I just have to go out the next time, get on "my" horse knowing that falling is always a possibility and do it any way.
Kaye will be okay. She is a tough woman. But it may take a while for her to heal. She probably has a mild concussion because later when I went up the house after taking care of turning out Pip she reported blurred vision and a headache. She is missing skin in numerous large patches and can't take a deep breath. Her ankle looked liked a grapefruit. And still she was talking about getting up on her horse when her mother got home and walking him around the arena while her mother rode her horse. If that's not true grit, I don't know what is. You can have your fictional heroes, but I've got my one real one.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)I love horses! I wish I had a ranch with several of them running around grazing off the land. It's a nice vision. I want to get a ranch and return to horse riding days. My grandfather had two horses and we rode them all the time.Hi James.
Horses ARE great, aren't they! I actually do love the challenge of it all. Helping a horse to be all she can be and for myself, learning with my well schooled horse how to be a better rider. So much to do ... so little time! Ahhh!
I have a goal for Bernd and I to one day own enough land that we can have a couple of horses of our own. That would be heavenly. For now, though, I'm grateful to have such good friends as Kaye and her mom and for the latitude they allow me in working with all of their horses.
Thanks for stopping by ... and get some horses in your life. :)
Hugs,
Dianne
Post traumatic stress is a really weird thing, isn't it? I wonder what happened to poor Pip, it must have been something ghastly. It breaks my heart to hear of how frightened she gets. Wouldn't it be better to nurture her out of her terror rather than try to force her through it and risk traumatizing her over and over again?Hi Jennifer.
Most definitely. It's a hard row to hoe, though. Horses learn very quickly and never forget and that's no exaggeration. So it's really a matter of desensitization.
Somehow you have to show them that there is nothing to fear in what they fear ... and about the only way to do that is to expose them to the thing they fear.
Take plastic bags for example. Pip was terrified of them and I couldn't get near her with one until she figured out that carrots always came out of them. Now even an empty bag doesn't bother her. If you have the time, take a look at my response to Shari's comment and it will give you a better idea of how I'm approaching this.
It will be a long time before Kaye tries mounting her again and we have a lot of work ahead of us but I'm sure we can help this little girl.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Hugs,
DianneI read your response to Shari's comment, and it was absolutely beautiful to read. You're listening to Pip's threshold, and respecting it, and you're not forcing her beyond it, so you're protecting her from being traumatized. But you're also being like the strong parent, saying "we are going to get through this, Pip". I call that first class nurturing.
I have to tell you, Dianne, I think you have a better feel for this than your friend does, and I don't mean any discourtesy to her in that. I know you're going to succeed. You remind me of that film about a race horse, The Story Of Sea Biscuit, did you see it? It's an extraordinary story of healing for a horse and three men.I'm pretty sure I saw that movie or at least a remake of it. But I think I will check it out again, maybe buy it on Amazon or something. I have a vague memory of it being really good.
I don't know that I have a better feel for Pip than Kaye does. I think we learned things that we needed to know. It's unfortunate that Kaye got so banged up and that it upset Pip so badly. Even seasoned horse trainers (I've done a lot of reading since the episode) agree that the only way to accurately assess a horse is to put some pressure on it.
Pip is very social when you are not making demands of her and so if that is all that you do, you will never see the fear. Although the fact that she is not actively social (she doesn't always seek out contact but enjoys it quite a bit when it comes to her) should have been a tipper. Well, we all learn our lessons the hard way sometimes.
I'm not really certain of success, but I'm going to do all that I can to help Pip become a good riding/companion horse. I've learned through my relationship with the horse that I ride that it is not just a one way affair with the human reaping all of the benefits. "My" horse really likes me and likes working with me and when we finally get our communication straight and do something really well, you can see him smiling and feel his joy. I want that for Pip.
Wow! Diane, this is one amazing and brave woman. I don't know if I could do what she does. Thanks for telling me about her. What an example!Hi George.
She IS very amazing! She, like me, is even more determined to help Pip and bring her along so that she can be ridden safely.
Kaye even got up on a horse two days later and rode. She said it hurt like H E double L, but it felt good too because she wasn't AFRAID to do it. She didn't ride after all on the day she fell because her mom insisted she go to the emergency care to be certain nothing serious was wrong. Her mom is a nurse, but she wanted confirmation.
I doubt I will ever be as "fearless" as she is, but she does set a wonderful example for determination and grit and not ever giving up. I'm so glad to have her in my life!
Hugs,
Dianne
hi dianne,
i can't believe how far you've come with the horses.
you really should be proud of yourself.
you've stuck with it, even when you weren't sure you wanted to.
i bet all the horses can sense your energy when you get to the barns and stables.
thanks for sharing,
happy holidays,
my best,
sueHi Sue.
They ARE all pretty happy to see me when I arrive. We all have some really great times together. No more "craziness" with Pip though. We're taking it VERY slowly from here on out.
It feels good to be clear in my head about where I want to go with my relationship with horses. I definitely didn't like the doubtful time.
You know, I think I might just be a little proud of myself.
Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely comments!
Hugs,
Dianne
Kay really is a tough woman! I love reading your horse stories Diane. I think horses are incredibly beautiful, but as I've told you before, I'm a little intimidated by them. I have visions of riding horseback on the beach, (I actually did that once on our honeymoon) but think I would be fearful at this point to try it again. Interesting story.Hi Brianna.
Kay IS tough. She's built that way and has that temperament. Of course, it helps that she is only 27 years old. I think there are a lot of things that were easier to contemplate doing when we were younger. Older IS wiser, but it also teaches you all the ways in which you can break and all the things that cause you pain. It makes you more cautious. And that's probably good. :) Don't ask me why I keep getting on horses.
Make no mistake, for all that horses are prey animals and really don't have a mean bone in their bodies (well there are exceptions but they've been made that way by people for the most part), they can be dangerous. I think being intimidated by them is natural. The first time I saw the horse I ride, I thought he was big, really big, and I wasn't sure I actually wanted to get up on him. I had no idea of his temperament (even though I'd been assured he was a sweetheart) or what he might do once I was in the saddle. Unfortunately, there is only one way to find that out.
Thanks for reading and commenting ... and who knows, maybe one day you will get on a horse again. Despite everything I've been through, I highly recommend it.
Hugs,
Dianne
Sorry your friend had a not so fun experience. Thanks for writing this piece which helped your readers reflect.... enjoyed it! Horses are beautiful and I love them even more if they are on the opposite side of the fence from me, chicken that I am!Hi Marijo.
I saw her today and she looks good and is moving well. She's been riding a couple times since then and said it wasn't too bad.
When I started the article, it mainly was going to be about fear. But it sort of morphed into a tribute to Kaye's indomitable spirit. Hence the very messy title.
Ahh, come on. You can't tell me you wouldn't love to have a nice warm horse nose nuzzle your neck. :) If that couldn't lift a person's spirits, I don't know what would.
It's very cold and raining here today, so I didn't spend as much time with the horses as I might like (once you get wet, the cold just pierces you through and through) and I didn't get to ride. But I cleaned stalls, passed out carrots and spent some "hanging" time with Pip and all the others. I've come home a bit frozen but refreshed in spirit. Now all I need is a nice hot shower to help me unfreeze.
Thanks so much for reading and leaving your thoughts.
Hugs,
Dianne
Wow. This horse was a handful. You guys did everything right. No problems there. All the fault rests with the horse. Apparently she is not fearful alone - she has developed a habit and it's not a good one. She will need a strong rider or countless hours of retraining from the ground up. Just the fact that Pip got more excitable each time you guys remounted, goes to show she knows pretty well what she is doing. She has learned to dump her rider.
Let me ask you - Do you ride her English or Western? Do you use a tiedown or martingale when you ride her? What type of bit do you use? Does she wear a noseband. Is there reason to think that Pip has pain in her mouth from the bit to which she reacts so violently? Did your friend inadvertently wear spurs? Carry a crop?
Back to training the horse with a weight. If she were my horse and there was only myself and another woman to work with Pip, I'd strap on the saddle and longe her. I'd do this for many days until she went exactly how she should - easily and willingly. I'd reverse her and do it all over again. Then I would find a way to strap on a weight. This may be tricky for two women. You'll need to get some help. But it would be easiest with a bag of sand since that is concentrated and can easily be spread out in a larger bag. I'd tie that onto the saddle, securely! Emphasize securely. Then we'd do the longing again. Once she understands that is her job and no harm will come to her, try longing her with a rider. Keep her at a walk or slow jog/trot if you can. Slow but nicely moving. If she is unwilling, stop right there and back to the weight.
I am rather surprised that the rescue would permit a bolting, bucking horse out. They always work with them because they don't want the horse to head to the packers. I would be curious what exactly was done at the rescue. It's worth a detailed discussion.
Best of luck.
HeidiHi Heidi.
I've done a lot of reading since then and talking with Kaye and come to the same conclusion. It is not fear alone that makes her buck. And it is a VERY bad habit. I've decided to take it VERY slowly and Kaye agrees. So I'm starting small. I want to teach her that she doesn't have to be afraid of everything. And yes the fear is a separate issue from the bucking but I think that if I can teach her that her calmness equals control for her that she will at least come to the riding phase of it in a better frame of mind.
We ride her English. No tiedown or Martingale (confinement is one of her issues due to having been in that barn when the tornado came through and killed all her stable mates). The bit is an egg butt with a single solid bar ... sorry, I don't know it's precise name. Yes, she wears a nose band and no, we have no reason to believe she has a problem in her mouth. No spurs or crop. But on the last mounting, Kaye was already pretty sore and she told me later that she accidentally let her foot brush Pip's croup and that is probably why she bolted.
Your suggestion about the weight is great! I think that is the road we will take when we get her settled more in her mind. I really want to teach her to use her rational brain more and her flight brain less. We'll see how that goes. Right now the weather is nasty. Snow I could deal with but it is raining ... a lot.
As far as I know, Pip left the rescue in rideable shape. And a couple of working students of a local trainer have worked with her in the past and got her to stop bucking. But there are not enough of us to work constantly with all the horses and Pip doesn't get ridden much. She did spend some time with a friend of Kaye's as a companion to her gelding and the friend was making good progress with her until she got bucked off one day and they totally stopped riding Pip. Unfortunately, that reinforced Pip's bucking.
Thanks so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. And we're probably going to need all the luck we can get so thanks for that too.
Hugs,
Dianne
You guys are really on the right track. It's just that the little mare has a head start and has developed some set habits. We all know how hard an established habit can be to break. She may always be a bit "flighty". It also occurred to me after I wrote some comments, that she may be afraid of surroundings. If she were a racehorse, she'd probably wear a blinder hood that prohibited full view. Everything now starts from the bottom up. And only when she regains trust and enjoys you, will she be ready for much more. But when they start to enjoy your company, you will have a huge breakthrough. After that, she'll start to look out for you. My horse is the most faithful amazing horse I've ever had.
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