What Would You Do?
Posted: Monday, January 24, 2011
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
What would you do if you saw a young boy about to steal something out of the bulk food bins in a supermarket? I had to ask myself this question on a recent visit to one of my favorite supermarkets, Fry's.
The only place in Fry's where they have bulk foods is in the "health" foods section. I get the only commercially made cereal that I can eat there, plus dried papaya, raw sunflower seeds, sesame seed, lentils and the like.
He lingered, trying very hard not to look at me. He walked back and forth in front of the bins and hoppers, running his left hand along them. He would stop at one and pull out the scoop and put it back in repeatedly. He would lift lids, close them and walk on.
I picked up package after package of cookies (I did find one that I could actually have eaten had they left out the salt; it's probably just as well that they didn't). I asked myself who would give up first … me or him? Finally, he left and I stood thinking about what I had just done for a few moments. I thought that I might have said something to him about stealing, but really I had no guarantee that was his intent. And I didn't want to be accosted later by some angry parent. As I finally left that aisle, I realized there was nothing stopping him returning and committing his thievery.
Supposing that it was indeed his intent, chances are that he wouldn't have stolen much. But that isn't the point. The inner justifications that allow petty thievery are not so very different from the inner justifications that allow grand thievery. If you take a piece of candy out of a bin and eat it without paying for it you can tell yourself that the store expects such losses; they are built into the cost of the goods sold (we all pay for the transgressions of a few). If you are stealing a car, you can tell yourself that the owner has insurance. So no real harm either way, right? But I believe that every unethical act has a negative impact on the entire world. Allowing this sort of behavior does not do anything good for that boy or the society in which he lives.
"Bad," immoral, unethical, and illegal behavior should not be allowed to persist. The definitions of these sorts of behavior might vary from culture to culture, society to society, but certain aspects can readily be agreed upon by all. So what would you do if confronted by such bad behavior? Could I have done more? Should I have done more?
If you ever find yourself in the position to make a difference, will you be pleased with your decision. Hard to know in advance, but in retrospect, I am pleased enough with mine.
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Top-level comments on this article: (9 total)Tough questions you posed. I might have asked him a few questions. Maybe he was hungry and had no money? Maybe he was seeking a thrill. But if there was a way to communicate that you cared - cared enough to confront it might strike a chord in him....Hi Marijo.
You have a much more forgiving attitude towards "bad" behavior than I do. :) All that you said could be true, but I tend to be a bit more cynical than that. I don't automatically think the worst of people. Quite the opposite. But when I see bad behaviors, I do tend to jump to the more negative conclusions. I'll have to start paying attention to how often I do that.
As for poor or hungry ... nope, didn't look that way at all. Fancy sneakers, good clothes, good haircut, well fed, etc.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! And you answered the question at the end in the process.
Hugs,
DianneI might have been a chicken and just told someone in the store too. Was he young (like grade school) or a young teenager? that would have had an impact on what I said or did too....I might be more inclined to speak to a grade school child than a teenager....I don't know if I am more forgiving as I tend to be pretty "black and white" on things - you saw the expensive clothes and that would have added to the picture here too... Sometimes people just need to be held accountable - who knows, maybe his life could have been turned around then and there. Again, great piece with good questions!I'd have to guess that he was around 11. But I don't think his age would have made a difference to me. I can't honestly say that it wouldn't, but I don't believe that it would. But I'm generally not good at confrontation which is one of the reasons I chose the quiet approach. Now I'm going to have a look at the other comments that came in while I was out. Caught a brief glimpse of Paul's and I think I will be feeling righteously chastised when I've done reading it.
I think most of the times it is a passing phase of childhood and teenage and some of them do it for the thrill. I am not justifying the act and sure it is wrong. If we report them it would be embarrassing for the boy but a lesson. I have to first look at all the wrongs I have committed in my life before I can comment on him. But you raised a very important question. :-)DMHi DM.
Okay, here is where I make no allowances: there is never an excuse for breaking laws whether they are legal or moral or ethical. If it's something we've all agreed upon as being wrong, then it's wrong.
But boy are there a few things I regret doing in my life, but I've never stolen anything. Not for the thrill, nor no matter how badly I might have wanted it or felt I needed it.
Possibly I should have reported it, but I don't see how I could have done that. Had I left the aisle to find an employee, he would probably have committed his thievery and left by the time I had returned. I was hoping that by remaining until he left, he would get the message that I knew his intent. And yes, I know that I didn't really KNOW his intent. Would it make him think twice next time? I don't know. Would it make him rethink his method and how obvious he was? Maybe.
Getting involved in other people's lives is always a conundrum. That is, I think, why the "what would you do" question is so powerful.
Thanks for stopping by and adding your thoughts.
Hugs,
DianneTo such a mindset, one who has smoked pot (as a remedy against acute spinal chord injury pain which no other medications assuage) has broken such a law and thus crippled or not, deserves punishment by incarceration.
Many break such a law because legal medical pot isn't yet available, where they live.
Whether or not one sees pain in spinal chord patients eyes or sees cloaked hunger in a shoplifter's eyes, one must realize that these laws are not constants like the North Star for navigation, but are instead laws made to be broken.
Even if a shoplifter were acting as such to merely satisfy a fraternity hazing stunt, one is required, spiritually, morally and ethically NOT to judge, not to report him, as one isn't officially appointed and deemed police, judge or jury.
When one fervently deeply believes that,
"Bad, immoral, unethical, and illegal behavior should not be allowed to persist,"one mistakenly, wrongfully and immorally acts as though one were indeed officially appointed as police, as judge and jury.
Many do possess such an obsessive moral indignation, an indignation which feels the need to 'correct' society and to correct others.
Christ and Gandhi both believed that we should NOT EVER judge others;
Gandhi said it best, for one's non intervention of such perceived acts:" Let YOU be the change in the World that YOU seek".
Affection,
Paul"Whether or not one sees pain in spinal chord patients eyes or sees cloaked hunger in a shoplifter's eyes, one must realize that these laws are not constants like the North Star for navigation, but are instead laws made to be broken."
Paul, I'm sorry, but that's just not the way I was raised. I have a very open mind in most ways, but this area gives me trouble. That is not to say that I could not change because I also was not raised to have any kind of open mind at all.
I don't think that I feel a need to correct society. I may have once. But I know that I can not and to attempt to do so would simply annoy everyone around me. I've been told that I'm not at all annoying and that I am nice to be around. :)
I do try not to judge others because, well frankly, I wouldn't want to be judge by them in turn. I do believe in treating others as I would like to be treated.
Your last quote from Gandhi could be interpreted in a number of different ways. I'm wondering what it means to you. Because reading it one way would seem to imply that if I want a friendlier world where people do not do the things that they should not, then I should have been more outspoken with my little supposed thief. I know that I am probably just digging myself a bigger hole here. And you have no idea how badly I feel right now for having most certainly disappointed you.
Hugs,
DianneIt isn't the way most of us were raised.... and I think possibly an adult who cares enough to "share the truth in love" just make an impact...sending you an e-hug!
Personally, I wouldn't have done anything. The merchandise belongs to the store, and it is their responsibility to secure their items. If someone is attempting to take something of mine, then it is my responsibility to protect myself from theivery. I can't save the world.Hi Kenny.
You know, I think that is an excellent answer. But I wonder, if you saw someone trying to take someone else's life (that life belonging to them and not you), then what might you do. I know that there is a vast difference between a couple of pieces of candy and a human life, but my problem still seems to lie (even after reading Paul's comment and almost coming to tears) in that allowing the little wrongs could so easily lead to allowing the bigger wrongs. And I don't mean for society as a whole. I mean for the individual and how they justify their actions. But you are both right, it really isn't my place to determine what course the lives of others should take. I've said often that it's a good thing that I never chose to have children. I have a hard enough time just managing myself. Imagine ME trying to raise a child!
Wow! You know, when I wrote this article, I really hadn't thought it all the way through. I might be sorry that I submitted it for publishing.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Hugs,
DianneMy God, Dianne, you're so sweet that I could hate myself for taking you to task; I'd rather just hug you and kiss your tears away...Paul, I need to be taken to task periodically. It makes me assess myself and my faults all the more energetically. To be sure, it isn't always pleasant, but I get over it. :) You're pretty sweet yourself, you know.Underneath my sweet facade is a mean spirited, cynic; underneath THAT, is public parking." But I wonder, if you saw someone trying to take someone else's life (that life belonging to them and not you), then what might you do. "
*** But that was not the question. You asked what others might do IF they saw what you THINK you saw (Which was never clearly determined.) the boy doing. I answered the question honestly. If you want to ask "what would I do if I witnessed someone else trying to take another's life," I would give you an honest answer to that question as well.I don't think it's fair to ask a question, and if the answer doesn't meet your satisfaction, you then change the original question. I know you mean no malice. You're a clear thinker and great writer.Kenny, you are right ... it wasn't fair. I guess I had Paul's comment more on my mind than yours. Bad me for not focusing on you.
It wasn't that your answer didn't meet my satisfaction. It's more about me wanting to get everything right. I know that's impossible, but that WAS the way I was raised. I've struggled with this issue all my adult life. Please don't be offended. I do really think your answer was a good one.I'm not offended Dianne. Text without physical and visual emotion can only take us so far. When I wrote I didn't feel even slightly offended. I was banging away on the keyboard just trying to make a point. My words may seem stronger on paper than how I was actually feeling.
I think you did just fine, Dianne. I've often wondered what I'd do if I was in the same situation.Hi Jennifer.
Thanks. (picture me heaving a sigh of relief :))
This has all really gotten me to thinking though. That can be a good thing ... sometimes. :)
You'd probably agonize over it as much as I did, but you'd do a better job of writing about it!
Hugs,
Dianne
Okay first off Dianne there are definitely healthy cookies. :) Secondly, I agree with you. I believe that every unethical act has a negative impact on the entire world. We can only do what we do and not control the actions of others. I would have waited and watched too. And if I caught him in the act of stealing I would have called him on it. I don't know if that's right, but that's me. Then I stop and wonder if he was stealing because he was hungry would it make a difference ..... probably...?Hi Brianna.
Well ... I've always considered the cookies I make to be healthy. I don't know that anyone else would like them besides my husband and me though. :) (laughing at myself)
You know, that's really the problem ... WHY was he about to steal something ... if indeed that was his intent. That's the other problem ... knowing what was really going on. If the kid was starving then I would consider buying him some food. Bernd and I have done that when someone asked us for some spare cash.
And thank you for "hearing" my concern about the negative impact on the world. For me, that is a big part of it.
I don't know what I would have done had he decided to steal something with me watching. Probably I would have said something, but I just don't know. I don't do any kind of confrontation very well.
Thanks for your kind comments. I appreciate them. I was beginning to feel like a real lout. :)
Hugs,
Dianne
I'm not sure you could have done more. Perhaps what you did was enough to give him time to re-think his actions, and choose a better path. I admire your persistence. I'm not sure I'd have thought of that, or stuck with it as long as you did. Good article, good food for thought.Hi Joyce.
My persistence was more about an unwillingness to actually say anything to him than anything else. But thanks!
As for thinking of that tactic, I spent the majority of my working life in retail sales and they drill it into you that people who know they are being watched will behave much better than if they think they are not being watched. So that was a no-brainer for me.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!
Hugs,
Dianne
hi dianne,
now, if you had your horse with you, things could have turned out differently, protection wise :)
i think you did what you thought best, and that's all any of us can do.
i might have mentioned it to the owner or whomever was minding the store, but we don't always know what to do in certain situations.
thanks for sharing,
my best,
sueHi Sue.
That's quite an image ... leading my horse through the store like a dog or something! :) That would turn heads for sure.
Thanks for the encouraging words. And you are right, all we can do is what we think is best. That's comforting.
Thanks for reading!
Hugs,
Dianne
Hi Dianne, I like your observational and descriptive style. Now actually I believe you have hit upon an issue that could become increasingly important in the coming years, but coming back to your young man, what did your heart tell you? Was he stealing out of necessity, or out of greed?
The banker that has almost taken his bank to ruin and then receives a $1,000,000 bonus? Is this a form of theft, or part of a system that we accept without thinking? We live in challenging times and from my side of the pond it seems you have an ever increasing number of poor people living in America. Where does the fault lie? Are these hopeless losers, or is the system to blame?
These questions could become more important in the coming years as many western societies polorize, with the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. Maybe we will have to re-evaluate our concepts of right and wrong for ourselves, based upon our consience and our sense of moral values and not upon the dictat of those that have by hook, or by crook climbed the ladder to the seat of power.....
Hi Terrence.
My "heart" and years of experience in retail sales and observing how people behave while shopping told me that he wanted to steal a bit of candy from the bulk containers and that it wasn't out of necessity.
I think the system is to blame. There are a few who will "milk" the system for all that it is worth. But I firmly believe that most folks prefer to make the best go of it that they can. I think most people want to be successful and make it on their own.
Allowing atrocities such as the banker you mentioned must stop if we really want to improve the financial situation in the US.
You raise some good questions and make some good points. Looking at the situation in the US from outside its culture probably lets you see things a bit more clearly.
Thank you so much for reading and for your insightful comments.
Hugs,
Dianne
Why did you not talk to him?The honest truth is that I am shy and have a hard time actually talking to people. The other reason is that despite this strong internal message that thievery was his intent, I still wasn't certain that it was. And because I prefer to avoid confrontation (they were always inviting me to join the debate club in high school but I never did), I chose silence over possibly being accosted by his parent(s) later. ("MOM!" That woman accused me of stealing." Picture a finger pointing at me and tears in his eyes. :))You are a very nice person, it is nice to have met you here.This is just one of the things I like so much about SearchWarp. I get to meet all sorts of people from all over the world. I'm very glad to have met YOU.
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