Random Thoughts, Part 13
Posted: Monday, March 21, 2011
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
Bed Sheets are like Underwear
Mankind has not always worn underwear. I think this is undisputable. When humans first started wearing clothing, I don't think their main concern was keeping it clean. It was probably staying warm that was most important.
It wasn't until cleanliness became an issue that underwear came into play. Or at least this is how I've always seen it. Think about it. You have these nice woolen breeches that keep you warm and happy, but they are crazy difficult to wash … actually you probably can't really wash them at all. I washed a wool sweater once because I didn't know better and suddenly the only thing it would fit was one of my dolls (I was very young, I don't play with dolls anymore). So how do you increase the amount of time between cleanings? Ah yes … you put something between you and your woolen breeches or skirt or whatever.
At any rate, this is something I have utterly failed to impress upon my husband, Bernd. While he totally gets the whole underwear thing, he's a messy sleeper and can't seem to keep the sheet pulled up to his face. His upper body and face frequently contact the blankets and comforter, soiling them faster than I like. It's not that he's dirty; he showers every day. It's just that he has this marvelously oily and stubbornly youthful skin. So it's a good thing that years ago I made the decision to purchase a clothes washing machine with a commercial capacity tub.
A Brassiere is not Underwear
It's true that women wear them underneath their clothing … for the most part (some men wear them as well, but that is not germane to this discussion). Still, they are not underwear. They are not, in my opinion, worn to keep the rest of your clothes cleaner longer. That would be an undershirt. No. More appropriately a brassiere is an implement of torture.
Who decided that a woman's breasts should be up under her armpits, stick out like torpedoes and not bounce a bit while walking? Okay, that last bit isn't probably really true, men do like a little jiggle now and then don't they? But really, who likes their bras? I don't like mine. I know, I know, so why do I wear them? I ask myself that quite frequently. It has something to do with (I am sure) getting older and not wanting to look it quite so much.
Part of my problem and the reason for my opinion might be my size. I'm a small woman standing barely five feet and two inches tall and topping out the scale at about 101 pounds. A rather larger percentage of that weight than I care for is below my waist. I've always had a hard time finding a brassiere that would fit me. And no cracks about shopping in the young girls department please, though they wouldn't be unwarranted.
A while back there was a bit on Dr. Oz about how to properly fit a brassiere and how they should be constructed. The expert on tap remarked that the straps should not be elastic. She also said that the straps should be wide. I'll go with that. But not elastic … what was she thinking. That's the only thing that keeps my bras from pulling up over my breasts when I raise my arms over my head. I have never found a bra with a bottom band tight enough to keep it down that also had a more adult cup size attached. See, I actually have checked out my options in the teen and pre-teen bra department. Although these days, things might have changed what with all the growth hormones young girls are consuming in milk and beef products. I know a woman with a daughter in her early teens (the daughter, not the mother) who looks like she's in her twenties (not the mother, the daughter). I pity the poor thing (the mother, not the daughter).
Show Breeches
I ride horses … well one horse really. I haven't progressed so far as to ride multiple horses with any kind of … I'll call it talent. I know the one horse I ride fairly well and that is what keeps me solidly … for the most part … on his back. I seem to need to qualify everything today. Sorry.
Anyway, I ride this horse in shows where we demonstrate our ability to perform seemingly randomly assigned movements at very specific points in the show arena (there are all sorts of letters all over the arena seemingly randomly assigned to their positions). I mostly ride in schooling shows where attire is not strictly regulated. But in the interest of decorum, I've finally purchased a pair of white riding breeches to go with my black blazer and white stock tie. White is the preferred color of breeches for shows.
One benefit to young girls growing bigger faster these days is that they have increased the size of youth's size 16 riding breeches to the point where they fit me. The rise is lower automatically, which I like because the waist in most normal adult breeches comes up under my breasts (see here we are again at breasts) and the legs are so long that I have to fold over the bottom hem and that makes a sometimes painful lump under my half chaps. Why tall riding boots and half chaps have to be so tight as to be almost painful and nearly impossible to zip up is that you don't want them sloppy on your legs; makes staying on your horse all that much more difficult. Especially when you consider that they frequently get nervous in the show arena because you are nervous and then they tend to shy and jig and bolt at every bird or grasshopper or sudden noise. The noise doesn't have to be loud, either.
So why is being able to wear a youth's size breech so nice? Because they are about half the price of the adult variety. Sweet. Keeping them clean however can be a problem. In this case, we tend to wear our "underwear" on the outside. We all go to the show dressed in our nice white breeches with our sweat pants on over them. So that would be overwear as opposed to outerwear as opposed to underwear.
Things I have Learned
It's best to try on (in a "brick and mortar" store) the youth's size you might like to order online before ordering it. Saves having to return it for a different size.
Embarrassment (or the potential for embarrassment) can cost you a lot of money in return shipping fees.
Using the United State Postal Service's Click and Ship® online shipping service is trickier than it first appears. Not only should you not use the "Back" button, do not use the "Refresh" button either no matter how long the page sits there doing nothing. It would be better to start completely over from scratch … believe me.
It's difficult to pretend to the salesperson that you are buying a bra for your daughter when you are the only person in the fitting room.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Dianne... well, I can certainly say I learned something new-Like Thomas Jefferson claimed; learning something new defines a good day.
I always thougth underwear was invented by accident: Someone made a bunch of wrong pants using a wrong pattern. They were left w/ all these 'funny pants' so they invented marketing. Shows you how much I knowHi Bing.
It could very well be just as you've described it. :) Really, that was just my take on the issue. Both options seem reasonable though ... hmmm ... maybe it was more like "Gee we really messed these up, what will be do with them? Oh, here's an idea, let's tell everyone by wearing them the will have to wash there outerwear less often. But what do we call them? Innerwear? Nope. Underwear!"
I didn't do any research to see when underwear first came into use. It might be interesting to find out. But not today. Too much to do.
Thanks for stopping by, Bing. It's always a pleasure.
Hugs,
Dianne
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