Hard Choices
Posted: Thursday, July 07, 2011
by Dianne Lehmann
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Sometimes when I am at a loss (hard to believe, I know) for something to write about, I turn to “The Book of Questions” by Gregory Stock, PH.D. I open it at random (or my best approximation of random because I’ve opened it so many times that some pages come up more often than others) and see if the question inspires me. Today the question was “You are leading 100 people whose lives are in danger and you must choose between two courses of action. One would save only 90 people; the other would have a 50% chance of saving everyone but were it to fail everyone would die. Which would you choose?” That would be a very hard choice for me to make.
Luckily, most of us are never really faced with this sort of life and death decision. But we are called upon to make some hard choices in our lives even so. Some choices are harder than others for me than they might be for you. For instance, you may have no doubt that what you need is the top of the line, most expensive truck out there and that it is a good idea to spend the extra money to get one. I would probably worry about it for days if not weeks … maybe months. Regardless, choices can still vex us. At the root, I think, is the desire to do things as perfectly as possible. But perfection is like the sure thing … ain’t really no such animal.
I had to make a hard choice recently. I could either have driven for about seven hours, stayed in a motel one or maybe two nights, and driven seven hours home again all so I could go to my cousin’s funeral (I absolutely hate funerals). Or I could drive for about a half an hour to go ride in a horse show and spend the entire day with horses and horse people (I absolutely love doing that.) Seems simple on the outside … choose to do what you like or choose to do what you don’t like. Do the right thing or do what you think is the right thing. I thought theright thing to do was to go to the funeral, but I really wanted to go to the horse show. It was tearing me up inside. Finally, I talked with my deceased cousin’s wife and made the decision to go to the horse show. But it was a couple of weeks before I came to terms with what I had done and the choice I had made. And maybe I still really haven’t forgiven myself for not doing the right thing. It’s been a couple of months and here I am writing about it and still thinking about it.
Sometimes a hard choice is simply what to fix for dinner or what to wear to work the next day. It all depends … how many options do you have (always seems to me that the fewer options the better2). And it doesn’t matter if the issue is seemingly frivolous or weighty. A hard choice is a hard choice no matter what.
We are faced with making choices each and every day of our lives. This will never change. They run from the mundane (what to have for breakfast) to the momentous (should I marry this guy or not). Some choices are always going to be harder than others, but in all choosing, it’s best to take with equanimity the results of that choice. Remember that perfection is just a concept and if you make the best choice you possibly can at the time, then that should suffice.
1I bought a lottery ticket on my birthday once (08/08/88) and played a lot of eights. I didn’t win anything. I did not buy a lottery ticket in 2008. Maybe that was my problem. I went to Las Vegas once with my husband and a friend. While they played Baccarat (actually he played while my husband watched), I sat at a nickel slot machine and won $72 (actually $74 but I started by putting in a roll of nickels). They played Baccarat long enough that I sat there long enough to put it all back into the machine including my initial $2. It killed the time. Was it fun? Not really.
2I’ve had three jobs where I had to wear a uniform to work. That was perfect to my way of thinking … no worries about what I was going to wear … no decisions to make.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Dianne! So you're the main reason behind a sudden hike in Team A's points...Good Good...
About the article, once again its an amazing piece. Decision making in life and making choices is the hardest. So many decisions that I have taken are questionable today for me only.
Regards,
ChiradeepHi Chiradeep.
I still really don't understand the team thing. But when I saw who had all ready joined the A Team (and actually, it was a hard decision :) because of who was in the other two teams), I decided to join it.
The trouble with choices and making them is that it will never stop ... everyday, there they are. Arghh! :)
Thanks for stopping by!
Hugs,
DianneHa ha ha...it is funny, how you joined Team A...
Dianne, what a great way to find inspiration. I can understand your feelings - it takes time to get passed a decision that we have come to regret to any degree, but you can't beat yourself up, which you might be doing given you are still thinking about it and writing about it. We will never make the "right" choice 100% of the time, we just have to move on and if the same type of situation arises in the future, make a different choice. And by the way, we lived close to the main street for the Lane parade, we did go! I think the name of the street is Atlantic Blvd, but I'm not sure, I will ask my mom. Here's a question for your memory, do you recall seeing a La-Z-Boy furniture store when you were visiting? There was also a huge park down the street from our house.... big hugs! T..... just called my mom. The parade is on Pacific Blvd and the park is Salt Lake Park.Hi Teresa.
I remember a huge park with eucalyptus trees. It wasn't all that far from Grandma's place; a couple blocks at most. I also have a memory of white stucco Spanish style arches. Grandma would make cookie cutter sandwiches and we'd go have a picnic lunch there. I never knew the name of the park. I wonder why it was called Salt Lake Park. I should try Googling it. Never know what I might find. Or at least a Google image search. Hmmm? I don't remember a La-Z-Boy store, but I remember a Kresge department store that was two stories. The second level was underground and that was where they kept the comic books. I would spend all my hard earned chore money on comic books. Oh, and there was a walk-in theater on Pacific (thanks!) where I saw "Bambi" for the first time. Keep in mind, I was born in 1952.
When making a choice that I've come to regret, I do try to remind myself that I did the best with it that I could at the time. Doesn't always help though. Ah well, we all muddle through somehow. :)
Love and hugs,
Dianne
I think your cousin would have been glad you went to the horse show. But like you, I would be agonizing over my decision still. I tend to struggle with what I want to do and what I know is expected. I agree with you, the fewer choices and decisions to make the better. Good one Dianne.Hi Brianna.
Bernd can't imagine how I can be happy eating the same two things for breakfast every day ... either cooked steel cut oats with raisins (best in the cold months) or uncooked rolled oats with raisins (best in the warm months). But really, I like not having to decide. I can do it all on autopilot with no fuss or bother. :)
And I've given it some thought, and I do think my cousin would have been happy to know that I was doing something I loved. I did think about him while I was at the horse show and I imagined him doing what he loved ... working in his garden, volunteering at the shelter, fixing things for little old ladies in need.
Thanks, Brianna, for everything.
Hugs,
DianneLOL I understand totally Dianne. A slice of toast with peanut butter and two coffees, EVERY morning. :)
Here is some quick, off the wall, cheeky help. "8" is other people's money. Aces and 8 equal the Dead man's hand. 7s, 2s and 9s are good for completion and perfection and finishing things off. If you aren't a Libra, you have strong Libran tendencies. The fact that no one is stoning you for making a wrong decision leaves you in a limbo. The "balances" are constantly moving back and forth. Fun to read.Hi Christofer.
I'm a Leo ... of all things. My sister always said she could see it in me, but I've just never really gotten it. I was born in the year of the Dragon too.
And yes, the balances are constantly moving back and forth ... dang them! :)
Thanks for stopping by!
Hugs,
Dianne
My choice is to give this article five stars. Great job.Hi Michael.
LOL! And thanks!
Hugs,
Dianne
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