Animals are Funny: Horses
Posted: Wednesday, August 24, 2011
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
I get to experience life with all sorts of different animals. I count myself as blessed for this. My husband, Bernd, and I currently have just the one cat (I keep thinking she needs a dog), Winnie. But two days a week, I get to go visit a menagerie of animals. There are seven horses, three dogs, one pot-bellied pig and two cats all with their own very separate personalities. This doesn't take into account the mice, rabbits, squirrels, snakes and lizards that inhabit the ranch as well, or the ravens, roadrunners, hawks, doves, Phoebes, starlings or other birds that drop by for a while.
The horses all know that when I've finished grooming my ride (I'll call him Lucifer, he's a medium sized Paint gelding), I tack him up. I always have sugar lumps in my pocket at that point because he doesn't like the tightening of the girth and a bit of sugar in his mouth distracts him (shoot, it distracts me too). So of course, they all come and beg for some sugar. The most persistent of them is the other gelding (I'll call him Earl, he's a black Thoroughbred with three white feet). He'll stick his head so far into "my" horse's stall that "my" horse feels it necessary to warn him off (after all, he wants all that sugar for himself). When the ears pinned back gambit doesn't work, "my" horse will finally punch Earl in the face with his teeth. He doesn't actually bite until things get really serious. They rarely do bite each other … thank goodness! I have to laugh at them because we go through this each and every time. You'd think Earl would learn. But the promise of sugar is just too much to ignore. In humans, we'd call it insanity by one definition: Insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result. But in horses, it's just hopefulness and tenacity and it makes me smile. It doesn't help that I sometimes sneak Earl a sugar lump when Lucifer isn't looking. Bad me.
Now Earl is a smart horse and so he gets bored easily. Lucifer isn't always up for his games (Earl is 12 years old and Lucifer is 26, so it's understandable) but often they do play together and it is fun to watch. Earl has a trick.
From late spring, through all of summer, to early fall its fly season and all the horses wear fly masks to keep the flies out of their eyes. Earl knows just exactly how the masks are put on. There are two hook and loop tabs that secure the mask under the horse's cheeks. Earl grabs each tab in turn and pulls them until they let go. Then he takes hold of the mask and pulls it off of Lucifer's face. Earl waves it in the air as if to say "nyah, nyah, nyah" and takes off with it. Lucifer usually gives chase and then a tug of war starts with the fly mask held between them. As you can imagine, the masks don't always last out the season. I might find the mask later, lying on the ground under a pile of poop. That's one "trick" I don't favor. I take it and hang it in a tree and hose it off. Luckily, more often than not, they are just lying in the dirt.
The boys will also play tug of war with branches, deflated Jolly Balls, old feed bowls and just about anything that happens to be lying around. If a tumbleweed should happen to blow into their pasture … well that's just about the best because you can eat it when you are done playing with it. Tumbleweeds are best when they are still green, but dried is good too. Makes me shiver to think about eating a pokey, dried tumbleweed. And besides that little bit of incomprehensibility, what would so possess Earl that he would spend a few minutes licking Lucifer's right hind leg? And why doesn't Lucifer kick him in the face?
There is this big, long and heavy hay trough that sits up on supports out in the pasture. One of the mares (I'll call her Hale'a, she's a Paint), likes nothing better than to grab one end of it with her teeth, pick it up and then drop it. It makes a very loud noise. Not just from hitting the ground, but all its parts rattle. She will do this over and over. It's a wonder it hasn't fallen to pieces. When the hay trough was new and she did it for the first time in my presence it scared the you-know-what out of me. She also likes to grab the chains that hold the gates to the stalls open and rattle them against the gates. Apparently she really likes noise. She'll do either of these things for ten or so minutes at a time. I'd make her quit, but I don't know how. And besides, she enjoys it. Why else do it?
Then there is the mare I will call Violet (she's a bay). She likes the water troughs. Specifically, she likes to upset them. Though putting both front legs in them is fun too. These troughs are huge and when they are full of water they are incredibly heavy. But not for an 1,100 pound horse. And she is all muscle, unlike Hale'a. And right now Violet has a neck on her that would do a stallion proud. Violet gets ridden almost every day and taken to shows and she is very fit. Hale'a is what you'd call an "easy keeper" and has a bit of a hay belly on her. So, Violet grabs the edge of the trough with her teeth, picks it up as much as she can and then lets it drop so that the water splashes out of it. When enough water has splashed out, she is then able to tip it over. She's quite proud of herself once she has accomplished this. Usually, she'll only do this to one of the troughs, so I don't refill it. The owners have the barn area on a separate well pump, but it still runs out from time to time and I never know how much water I can safely use.
There is another mare, Terpsichore (a cute little chestnut), who has recently come to live with the little herd. She is kind of at the bottom of the pecking order right now but is seriously thinking about moving up. For the most part, she is deferent and quiet. But sometimes, if I have been grooming her out in the pasture (I know, it's best to do that in a stall) and another horse comes up to us wanting a belly rub, she doesn't always move off. Sometimes now, she will pin back her ears and threaten with her teeth. Hale'a is always surprised when Terpsichore does this. And I have to laugh at the look on Hale'a's face. But Hale'a usually lets it go, even though she has been making the bid for lead mare position and could rightfully run Terpsichore off.
Five of the horses run together during the day. As you may have gathered, there are three mares and two geldings. For the most part, none of the mares have really wanted to claim the responsibility of the lead mare position. But lately Hale'a has been making nice with Lucifer and taking on a more leadership kind of role. I always thought it would be Violet who would eventually do that.
I'm sure that Earl is a bit heartbroken because he is in love with Hale'a and now he is odd man out. For a while he paired up with Hale'a and Violet was odd mare out. But with the addition of Terpsichore and her sticking to Violet like glue (I'm not sure Violet is all that happy about it, but she can't seem to get rid of her), he's left to his own devices a lot (sounds a little like a daytime soap opera doesn't it). So I get head butted quite regularly when I'm out in the pasture with all of them.
Earl thinks the best way to get my attention is to butt me. He is so wrong about that, but so far I haven't been able to communicate to him in any effective way (he doesn't seem to get my hand gestures) that I'll pay him some attention and play with him if he'd just stop doing that. It hurts. The bone between his eyes is HARD. And rapping him there with my knuckles after he has butted me has no effect on him whatsoever. Well, I don't hit him hard. I really don't like the idea of hitting a horse in the face … not even after he's bitten me. There's an amusing text messaging abbreviation I ran into the other day: DHJBM = damn horse just bit me. It happens more than you might imagine. Mostly if you're not paying good attention.
One of the two women who care for all these horses has told me that I need to take a lead mare kind of attitude with Earl. But I don't have any ears to pin back and I'm certainly not going to try punching him with my mouth! I have, however, seen her elbow Earl in the ribs from time to time. Anyway, I'll work it out. For a very long time, Earl wouldn't even give me the time of day. I was a non-entity to him and he wouldn't let me get anywhere near to him if I had a grooming tool in my hand. But with the loss of Hale'a, he's had to make do. Poor boy. Poor me.
If Earl isn't trying to head butt me, he's trying to walk over me. I'm much better at avoiding that. We probably look silly out there, him walking right against my shoulder and me going in circles so that he is practically pirouetting. And if I break direction and go the other way, he comes right onto the other shoulder and we start dancing all over again. Sometimes, the only way I can get away from him is to go stand next to Lucifer. Then I feel like wagging my hands by my ears and saying "Neener, neener, neener" at him. I'm a little more dignified than that … but not much.
The two other horses are King (names have been changed to protect the innocent), an Appaloosa stallion, and Da Vinci, an absolutely huge six year old bay (they don't start to mellow until about seven years of age) gelding. Da Vinci's dad, Abracadabra, was a black Percheron and was so tall that I could barely reach the top of his "rump" while standing on my tip toes (keep in mind I'm only 5'2" tall). Da Vinci's mom was a large thoroughbred.
For obvious reasons, King cannot be left to run freely with the herd (there will be no Paintaloosas at this ranch). And Da Vinci has to stay in the double size and mostly enclosed foaling stall during the day because he will not leave Lucifer alone. It's not a bid for dominance … he just likes him too much … way too much … no jokes about a bromance please. But I don't blame him. I like Lucifer a lot too.
When Da Vinci first came to live with them, he chased Lucifer all over, asked to play rather aggressively and in general wore the poor old guy out. So they let him out into the pasture at night and sequester all the others in their stalls. As a result, Da Vinci has taken to kicking his stall, climbing on the rails (that's something to see and kind of frightening), tipping over his water and in general being a butthead during the day as a result. The boy manages to cut and gouge himself so badly that it's almost embarrassing for his owner to take him to shows. And this is a foaling stall we're talking about; it's built safely.
But here's the thing … while his ground manners are deplorable, once you get him tacked up and you are on his back, he is a whole different horse. His work ethic is phenomenal. As big and strong as he is and as crazy as he can be when you're on the ground with him, I've ridden him and it was a real pleasure. We have to cut him some slack because his "mom" recently died and that's why he came back to the ranch to live. But it's starting to wear a bit thin and if he can't get some better ground manners, he's never going to find a forever home.
King is not your typical stallion. He's lived his life on the periphery and seems to be content with it. He is gentle and kind and doesn't ask for much. A treat now and then, a pat or a belly rub will do him just fine. He's been spending a lot of time lately staring off into nowhere with his back to the herd's pasture. He's so still that he looks like a statue.
The property is bordered on one side by fallow land and that is where King's run is. I think there is something out there that is bothering him. He seems to feel it's his duty to guard the herd … he is the stallion after all. But it's kind of funny because he is this small Appaloosa with these little stick legs (and he might be envious of Violet's neck) and he doesn't look like he could hurt a fly.
It could be coyotes bothering him or even the panther (yes Arizona has a small blackish panther; the consensus is that it is actually a jaguarundi) that I saw one afternoon (but don't tell anyone, they might think I was nuts because there is no evidence that they exist in Arizona … hah!). But King loves his bunnies and squirrels and protects them from the "wolves" (the three dogs) as best he can. His run also shares a section of fence with the pig's enclosure which also has an enclosure built into it for the two cats. King loves that pig, but he wasn't too sure about the cats at first. But I caught him nose to nose with the black cat the other day. As soon as King saw me see him, his head came up, he looked squarely at me as if to say, "I was so not doing what you think I was doing" (which was giving a little love to the kitt) and walked off. If you ever needed a good friend who would protect you with his life, that would be King.
My husband, Bernd, has told me off and on that I should write up some of the stories that I tell him about my animal adventures. He thinks they are funny and amusing. I've have not, until now, given it a try because often something that makes you laugh in the telling doesn't always translate into the written all that well. I love these horses and everything they do. The make me smile and laugh and just thinking about them brings a happy, sappy little smile to my face. I hope you have been able to "feel" a bit of that too.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Your story can be entitled like my favorite Soap "All My Horses" - this is brilliant, Dianne. I'm wondering why you changed the names of the horses? Each horse certainly does have a personality all his own. They sound like they actually get along fairly well, play together and tolerate each other OK. That's a big step when they're all out together. I assume they have a big area to run and play. My horses do not play with the jolly ball, ever. They run with each other and play the horsy way. But never with a toy or prop. Yet inside the stalls, the two little boys each has a big round feed tub. They play with them in ways I can only wonder about. Each day they must synchronize how they are going to leave them,. If Sylvester turns his upside down, so does Cooper, right on the other side. If it's on its edge, they both do it. In the back, yep - both. On and on. It got so funny that Sylvester had a couple of road apples in his. When I went to feed Cooper, guess what - so did he. I find this utterly amazing. They do it almost daily. Loved the story. But then, what the hay!Hi Heidi.
Bernd and I watched "Babe" the other day for the umpteenth time. I love that movie. The thought of animals actually talking to each other appeals to me. So ... maybe they do. :)
Maybe it goes something like this: "Hey Coop! Good mornin' to ya. What can we do to make Mom laugh today?" "Mornin' Sly! I've got a great idea. Now listen closely and here's what we'll do."
Anyway, I glad you enjoyed it. I figured at least you would read all the way through. It's long! Oh, I changed the names because I've never really gotten permission to write about the horses and I'm not sure about who might read my stuff that might know the owner. And it was kind of fun to find alternate names that were similar in intent to their real names. I'm sure the horses won't mind.
Hugs,
DianneI love the movie Babe. Really cute and so well done.
I do think animals communicate in their own way. I can tell you that welsh stud have preferences in who he liked and was nice to. Just like the dogs. When there's a herd they form alliances and a pecking order. But if they pick out one in particular, that's friendship. Anyway, I think there's a whole lot of communication. My 2 little guys do it all the time.
Horses do have their own personalities...My Arab mare is very much a primadonna, she won't play with anything, never rolls in the dirt, but she sure interacts with me. Anyway, thanks for the article.Hi Krsta.
Thank you for reading it. It's kind of long. But when I get on the subject of horses ... or animals in general ... I just can't seem to be brief. :)
"Lucifer" rolls in the dirt just about any chance he gets. And when I hose him off or sponge him off after riding (it's been blisteringly hot here in Arizona the last few days) then rolling is even better. I go back after he has dried and groom the dirt out of him again. :) Got to love them!
Hugs,
Dianne
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