Filters and Personal Agendas
Posted: Tuesday, September 06, 2011
by Dianne Lehmann
Artisan Jewelry from SyZyGy
I still think that Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi should have seen past the makeup, hair and costuming to realize that Padmé was in reality Queen Amidala. They were Jedi Knights for goodness sake.
Cognitive psychology is a subdiscipline of psychology that explores internal mental processes. It is the study of how people perceive, remember, think, speak and solve problems. It differs from most psychological approaches in that it accepts the use of the scientific method and generally rejects introspection as a valid method of investigation. This contrasts with the Freudian approach. And it explicitly acknowledges the existence of internal mental states such as belief, desire, idea, knowledge and motivation.
If your mother hated the color red, for example, and would not have anything red in the house or on her person and if she denigrated the use of the color red by other people, you might grow up to have a bad feeling anytime you see the color red. You might not be consciously aware of this feeling and the source. But you might, all the same, feel a discomfort around the color red that might cause you to behave in some manner you might not ordinarily. For instance, yelling at an employee wearing a red blouse for some very slight mistake whereas you might not have yelled had the blouse been blue. Or a costly tendency to run red traffic lights.
A person will most likely have more than one filter to contend with. It's not like the Universal Field Theory. There are many things that operate within us simultaneously: how we like to be treated, what sort of language we will tolerate, how we expect others to behave or dress. There are too many to list. I wanted to use the word enumerate because I like the way it sounds, but I didn't number the examples, so that would not have been accurate. But I digress.
I have a filter that I will call "My Opinions do not Usually Follow the General Consensus." I suspect that this particular filter arose from another filter that is deep seated and most likely put into place at a very early age. That one might be called "I cannot be Normal or Average and I must be Special." My dad very much wanted me to be extraordinary. I've embraced averageness in many ways, but my inner child (which is still very much active) has other thoughts about it. In my dreams, I am sometimes very busy saving the world.
Most of the time, I am totally unaware of my filters. I go through life with my expectations and beliefs firmly in place without questioning the why of them. My filters rarely make themselves known to me. I sometimes wish they were a little "louder." A pain in your elbow makes you aware that there is something needing tending. Unfortunately, my filters are not like that.
It usually takes a source outside of myself to make them apparent to me. If I'm lucky, that source is my husband, Bernd. He has the patience of a god when it comes to dealing with my foibles. If I am less lucky, but still lucky none the less, it is a friend who points out my nearsightedness.
We all have filters and agendas. Thinking that you do not, might be in itself a filter of sorts. That one might be called "I'm Perfect Just as I am and don't try to Convince me Otherwise." I think I spent a few of my teenage years looking at the world through that one. Regardless, it couldn't hurt to take a few minutes now and then to consider the things you think are self-evident and ask yourself why you think that way. I've had cause to do that recently and it was illuminating. Now if I could just figure out where I left my righteous indignation I'd be all set.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)LOL Dianne, where did this come from?
O so true- I hate the color yellow. Yellow makes me sick to my stomach. Yellow is the color many of the little kids wore where I spent much of my early years, and they were always dirty. Sad thing, is it wasn't the fault of the little kids - I remember my mom always saying, just because we are poor there is no excuse to be dirty. As long as you have a place to live, you can wash your clothes and your body. This is a huge "filter" in my life. I don't own anything yellow and I never dressed my kids in yellow. And .... right how I am laughing because I am wearing my purple and yellow Lakers' campionship t-shirt.Hi Teresa.
Where did it come from? Gee. Let me see ... I think you know. :) :)
Hey, that's different! It's the Lakers after all!
Thanks for reading and commenting.
HUGS,
Dianne
Ah, Dianne. I find the topic of cognitive dissonance fascinating. A few years ago I heard a lecture on 'incongruent lifestyles.' Basically this is believing one way and living in a way that opposes those beliefs. From that moment I started trying to figure out how to live a more congruent lifestyle, being true to myself.
For what it's worth, I don't think you are normal or average. I've met few people like you (can't actually think of any at the moment) and I've met a lot of people in my lifetime.
I know I've still got major blindspots, and sometimes I see things that aren't really as I see them. Still, I live a much more congruent life today than I ever have, and I've got an old bottle, half-full of Prozac to prove it!Hi Bruce.
You made me laugh with that second paragraph. I don't know whether or not that's a good thing or bad. :)
I've never really thought about incongruent lifestyles. Oh no! Another thing to worry about. :) Seriously though, seems like that would put a lot of stress into your life.
I think we will all always have blind spots. After all, we are only human. It's in our nature to shade one thing one way or another. And frankly, I'm not sure we could survive if we did not. It's how we cope. And there is a lot to cope with.
Thanks and Hugs!
DianneActually, I wrote the comment and accidentally erased it. The second time I wrote it, it didn't makes as much sense. Ah, the web developer of this site should be ashamed!
You are an incredible person... and your encouragements have reached a lot of people. That second paragraph is a good thing. Your dad was right. :)I think the web developer of this site shouldn't be so hard on himself. :)Love this Bruce. I feel the same way. I don't have a bottle of prozac, but there are lots of other bottles laying around :-)Ha! That's great. I'm sure you've noticed that there are a lot of people on SW who write about dealing with depression. Seems to me that learning about cognitive dissonance and incongruent lifestyles could go a long way in helping.
I'm aware of my filters and unlike yours, wish they'd quiet down. :) I hate the term average. I once heard someone say there was nothing worse than being average. He said this in front of his children. I wonder if they ever felt they measured up in his eyes. Who defines average anyway? Interesting read Dianne.Hi Brianna.
I've had a problem all my life with the concept of average. Really, it's just a statistic and a fairly meaningless one as far as I'm concerned. Take the average body temperature of 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. In high school, I got to wondering about my body temperature and so for two weeks, I took it four times a day and graphed it all out. It varied quite a bit throughout the day. I was amazed. And when I AVERAGED out all my temperature readings, I came up with 97.8. After that, I had no respect whatsoever for averages and people who insisted on talking about them.
I think my dad felt that there was nothing worse than being average and I did indeed have a lot of self-esteem issues to work through. Still working on some of them.
I think that I probably, somewhere in the back of my mind, define "average" as something other than me. And I think that we all have a basic idea of what we consider to be normal. They're probably all a bit different rendering the term completely useless, don't you think. And why should it matter?
It may have been an interesting read, but I think the comments I've received are more interesting. :)
Hugs,
Dianne
I love that you know you have filters, and how you end with a dry comment about yourself on the subject! You often do that, it's very funny. I always get frustrated with people who don't believe their childhood had anything to do with who they are as adults, and who don't have a clue about the workings of their own minds. So it was a real pleasure to read this, thanks.
You know what amazes me? That all of us can connect, given how much we see life through our own filters. Mind-boggling...Hi Jennifer.
It IS amazing that we can connect given all that, isn't it. I guess it's because even though we might see things in different "tints", the basic "color" is still there. I don't know if I'm using the correct terms, but I'm sure you get my drift.
As for childhoods mattering or not, I've never thought the answer was all either Freudian or Cognitive. I think it's like most things in life ... a very confusing mixture of many things!
Thanks for stopping by! And have you healed up nicely? Are you thinking of riding again?
Hugs,
DianneI get your drift :) I'm not completely healed yet, can you believe it? Sitting is still a problem, although it's better than it was, so I'm grateful for that. As for riding, I'm scared now, which is ridiculous because I didn't get hurt when I was riding, just when I was sitting on the horse and it was my teacher's fault! I guess I'm scared at how easily I got so painfully injured - and how long it's taken to get better. I keep thinking what would happen if I actually fell off while I was riding. But I still want to learn and every time I see a picture of a horse even my heart leaps with joy, so as soon as I can sit without pain I'm going to try again..I know what you mean about being scared. After my really bad fall, I was very nervous to get back on. It had only been ten days and so many parts of me were so painful and just didn't want to work properly. But my friend told me the longer I waited the harder it would get. So I got on and it wasn't all that bad. Really.
I'm not saying you should get on a horse if you are still hurting. And really, there is some greater risk (there is always risk while on horseback) of falling if you are not fit. I'm just telling you about my experience.
I'd have to say that it took me nearly a year to get completely over that first bad fall I had. And my most recent fall in April of this year has left me with a couple small "complaints" even now. But they are getting better all the time.
I'm not courageous or anything. I just really, really like horses and riding them. :) Kind of stupid really. There's a joke among the local riders, and I'm willing to bet that it's a fairly universal joke, about how crazy we are.
I do so hope that you finish healing up soon. Not so you can ride (but that would be nice), but so that you can feel well. It's always nice to feel well.
Big hugs and a kiss for the ouch!
DianneThanks, you're a honey :) I'm glad you think that about being fit. One thing this has shown me is how unfit I am, so maybe that's the core reason why I'm taking so long to get better. I really hope so. I'm doing stretches and exercises every day and going to gym, and building strength. One thing I'm sure of - I don't think I could get to the end of my life and not have tried again, and kept trying until I can ride! Must be crazy... :)Yup, you're definitely crazy. :) Just like the rest of us.
Oink is the color which gives me hives (mom over did it is our rooms growing up) GRINHi Marijo.
I had shag carpet in my bedroom at one time that was pink and red. OMG! But it was my choice. What was I thinking. Mom was probably thinking, "I'm never gonna let her choose her own color of carpet again!" I had to live with that carpet until I married Bernd and moved out. Then she ripped it out and put something respectable in the room and made it into a home office. Took her all of about two weeks. Guess I knew I wasn't ever going to move back in. :)
Thanks for reading!
Hugs,
Diannethat was supposed to be PINK but oink works too...
hi di, (5 stars-i'll get it yet)
you are quite interesting my dear.
red is my favorite color-well, really maroon now, in my "later" years!
i know what you're saying, though. and it could go both ways-whenever i smell chantilly i smile because my grandmother wore it, and estee lauder was my mom's favorite. (both too strong for me)
i think there are things we can learn about ourselves everyday, and hope there are ways to change those ways that cause us and others discomfort or pain.
thanks for sharing,
my best,
sueHi Sue.
Thanks for the five stars. I gave a couple of other authors five stars and they didn't show up so I hit refresh and then they did. Bruce still has a couple of kinks to work out. :) He says he loves this stuff ... I don't get it. :)
If a day goes by that I don't learn something about myself or people in general, I count it a day wasted ... well not maybe quite that strong ... but I think you understand my drift. And I'm always looking for ways to avoid as much pain to myself and others as possible (it's impossible to avoid ALL pain and maybe not even a good idea in the long run).
Thanks for reading!
Hugs,
Dianne
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